I'm Too Tired for Funny Headlines

I'm not sure what is going on lately, but I'm having bad dreams nightly. And I'm not just talking about "oh it was so sad, blah blah happened." I'm talking "there was a Tiger chasing me and it was after everyone." Or how about the other night when I woke up and said "I was hiding in a washing machine, from this guy who was chasing me. When he found me in the washing machine, I stabbed him the neck with a black ink pen. He died. I was happy. And it was a front load washer, that's how I fit in it." WHAT THE WHAT? I don't know what my deal is, but I'm over it. I'm not getting good sleep. I'm waking up either terrified or pissed off (I was pretty pissed about the Tiger/Lion whatever it was trying to eat me. I was pissed that the situation would even occur.) which leads me to start my morning terrified and/or pissed off, which leads me to be irritated that I'm terrified and/or pissed off b/c of my stupid dreams.

As you can see none of this makes for the good start to the day. I also can't seem to sleep through the night without waking up once or twice. Not for any particular reason other than the fact that the dog keeps going all "Paranormal Activity" on me and shit. For the past month this bih has been waking up, staring at me, walking to the door, staring down the stairs, looking back at me, going to the top of the stairs, staring down stairs, then sitting right next to me on the floor at attention (she's a German Shepard, visualize please). So I'm fairly certain my dog is seeing something downstairs, or at least hearing something. JESUS. H. CHRIST can I please not have a haunted house? I just ignore her and the entire situation, and act like I'm still sleeping, b/c I watch A&E and they tell you not to engage with the spirits unless you are ready to head down that path. Who will never be ready to head down that path? THIS GIRL! So I tell my coworker about this and she says "Have you gone downstairs to see what it is?" To which I respond "FUCK NO!" What is wrong with this chick? Why don't you rephrase that to "Have you gone downstairs to be murdered? Or better yet to check out some demon making himself some dinner?" Ain't no way I'm going to check out what that dog sees. That's between the dog and the demon.

While discussing sleeping, I want my pillow back. Coal Miner stole my pillow about two months ago. I was out of town, and when I came back into town my pillow was on his side of the bed. My pillow is rad. Its a tempurpedic foam pillow. Its like sleeping on an angel's wing all night. Coal Miner found this secret gem, I had been keeping to myself, one evening while I was gallivanting around the United States trying to save people from going into foreclosure and has refused to give it back since. He told me he was going to buy me another one. Does it sound like he has made said purchase yet? Yea, that would be a no. So I want my pillow back and I want it back now. The thanks I get for trying to save all of the US's delinquent homeowners from losing their houses...SMH.

So anyway, I've posted about my dreams before b/c I'm a vivid dreamer. But lately they've been really bad. I'm sick of waking up feeling like I either want to punch the air, not in delight, or hide in a closet like the kid from "Sixth Sense." I'm so whiny today. Did you notice. I'm actually annoying myself. Ewwww! If I read this post I would want to stick me in a corner for a time out. These damn dreams are making my life a living hell. Someone please tell me how to stop the bad dreams. PRETTY PLEASE?!?!?!

Dreaming Tree

For those of you who don't know, I'm what you would call an "Advanced Dreamer". I can control my dreams (the majority of the time), dream in color / black and white, dream in different languages (and fully comprehend what is happening without even knowing the language), view my dreams from outside of the dream (aka out of body), have multiple dreams throughout the evening (and still remember them in the morning) and last but not least I keep a dream journal to remind me of my completely insane dreaming habits. But lately, I don't know what to make of my dreams. For about two years now one individual has had this presence in my dreams and I just can't seem to move beyond their continual interaction with me. And I'm not exaggerating when I say at least once or twice a week for the past two years it has been this way. I even took the initiative to ask this person, during my dream, why they were always "popping" up. They simply responded "because you want me here..." and then smiled. I refuted saying that I did not want them there and again the response of "you want me here" and then disappearing for the remainder of the dream.

But what bothers me most is the feeling I have when the person is there. Whether it be their face or not, I know its them. I'm so happy....so beyond happy. Its a feeling that right now is bringing me to tears because I don't know if I'm that happy right now. I don't know if I can be that happy again without them being a part of my life. Its hard to wake up from one of these dreams and make sense of what's going on around me. How can someone be so absent in my waking life yet so real and involved in my dreaming life. There are times in my waking life when I forget that I haven't spoken to this person in years. They are just so real to me, so right, so wonderful. Yet I know, looking back on my life, that it wasn't that wonderful when they were real and involved, I wasn't that happy in the end, I didn't love them as much as I do in my dream, or maybe I did...

I've taken the time to research why this endless cycle of specific presence takes place. Apparently I miss some (or all) piece of this relationship and I'm not currently experiencing this in my existing relationship. Meaning, my mind is seeking this and trying to tell me subconsciously that I should seek this out in my waking life to stir these feelings that occur in my dream state and make them a reality. What would be really helpful is if someone were to tell me exactly which pieces / behaviors / feelings I'm subconsciously searching. I mean I'm loved, I'm having fun, I'm have good friends, I have a good job, am I missing something? Apparently I am....guess I'll just have to keep searching subconsciously until in my awake state I have that "AHA!" moment. Until then my friend, until then.