Jazz Hands

I was laying in bed last night and was going through the day's events in my head. It was Mother's Day, we spent the day with Coal Miner's family looking at spots for our rehearsal dinner, showing his rents the wedding site, and eating dinner as a family to celebrate CM's Mom. All in all, a pretty good day. The sun was shining, we were productive, it was a good day. So why did I have this dread filling my head. This overwhelming urge to bury my head in my pillow and sleep forever. Was it depression? I think not. Depression is a serious disease and the term is hugely overused and under appreciated. Was I sad? Nah, I'm not really a sad person. Was it unhappiness? Hmph. Could it be? Could I be unhappy? No way. How could I even begin to think I was unhappy? I have my health, an amazing man, a supportive and loving family, a great group of friends, a roof over my head, a job that pays me well, the respect of my peers. I just felt like I could go on and on listing the reasons as to how I could not possibly be unhappy. And in that moment I made a decision. Instead of thinking of the overwhelming tasks that lie ahead of me each week, maybe I just approach things a little differently. To ensure I stay on task I've decided I'm going to chronicle my journey on Tumblr. Feel free to follow along if you feel so inclined. I'll basically just be jotting down notes each day as to why I'm happy, why I should be happy, and how I'm feeling. An online journal of sorts. I haven't written in my diary in over a year. I miss it. I loved writing in my diary. Going back, reading the happenings, seeing my feelings, reminiscing over events. So I'm going to treat Tumblr as my diary. Maybe that's a good thing, maybe it isn't, but hell I figure you should try everything at least once right?

Here's to Happy Journaling - wish me luck.

Victory!

For six years now, yes you read that correctly SIX, I have been visiting the doctor every three months b/c well my body has a mind of its own. Most people would have responded to the various procedures but not me, I mean come on..that's tooooo easy for me! So today I went to my 3-month check-up and got the best news in a long time. I got on the scale and I had lost 7lbs since the last time I was there!! The nurse gave me a high five, ain't that some sheit?!?! Okay so that wasn't the really good news, but it did make me really happy. And while we are the subject I went to Lerner this weekend (shut up, I like their chinos and their tanks) and I went down a pants size. SWEET VICTORY! :) I will continue on my journey to my perfect size, please stay tuned. Okay now for the really good news. So my doctor comes in, comments on how good I look (I had to throw that in) and then we do our thang and she says. Oh by the way, when you come in for your appointment in February that's going to be your annual and then if all goes well today you won't have to come back for a year. I asked her to repeat herself b/c I could have sworn she said I wasn't going to have to come back to her office for a year. So she repeated the entire sentence again and my imagination hasn't gotten the best of me I really don't have to go back for a year if all goes well today. SWEET VICTORY SCORE 2!!! Oh yes, maybe this weight loss and abstinence thing (not by choice, his parents are in town) is really working for me. I mean no coffee, no soda, no candy (though I did eat like sheit today, but then I went to the gym and worked my a$$ off for it), and the truth lies in the pants size doesn't it?!?! :) I'm so excited I can't even begin to explain it. Losing weight + No doctor's for a year = Happy Girl. AND to top my evening off, I went over to the house and hung with the parents and mommy dearest and I are actually friendly...this day, this day is ROCKIN. I'm almost sad to go to sleep b/c then this amazing day will be over...sigh...maybe I'll stay up for just a bit longer and try my hand at that crossword I can't seem to solve. VICTORY!!

Master Cleanse Days 4, 5 & 6

Sorry folks I forgot to tell you about my other days of the cleanse!!

Day 4
Experience at my girlfriend's last night was fine. She totally understood and actually commended me on my willpower. She made this amazing homemade bruschetta and it took everything in me not to grab a piece of fresh mozzarella, the bread, and pile on the tomatoes and fresh basil from her garden. But I did it! I made it the whole night.I had a terrible time sleeping last night. I could hear everything happening in my stomach. I woke up countless number of times and it was just horrid. Then I decided to do the SWF this morning...BAD IDEA!! Made me so ill. I threw it all up, it was horrible, just horrible. I don't know what it was but I had it at night and I was totally fine. So I don't think I'll be doing that in the morning again!! My sister is coming in tonight, I hope she doesn't think I'm completely over the top for doing this, and I won't be able to eat dinner with her, but hey its something I'm trying right? :) Been good today. Feeling okay, pain in the lower back is still there, but apparently everyone mentions this so its probably just something to do with the kidneys and such.

Day 5
Okay I slept much much better last night, but I'm ready to end this thing. Its not even that I'm hungry, b/c I'm totally not and I really do feel more energized than I ever have!! I don't know what it is, I just feel like I should stop, like it isn't good for my body to not be eating. Honestly, I think I'm just bored, lol. I'm sick of drinking the lemonade and I just don't want to drink it anymore. I would just rather eat/drink nothing instead. But I know that isn't good. *sigh* What to do, what to do...

Day 6
I've decided this is my last day. I'm really proud of myself though b/c now i know what to expect the next time I do it. I'm definitely going to do it again. And I'm definitely going to try it for 10 days. I know its going to be hard but I know that I can get through 5 days, so I can definitely push through 5 more right? Maybe I'll shoot for 7. I don't know I just feel bad about stopping, but really good about trying this out and doing so well. Did my last SWF and man o' man I am NOT going to miss that. Its so weird (and gross) what is coming out!! So yea, dunzo. I'll let you know how not eating solids goes, lol. I'm supposed to not jump back into solids or apparently I will "regret it" and I definitely do not want to "regret it" b/c I can only imagine what that means!

Master Cleanse Day 2 & 3

Day 2: I had a weak moment, I almost had some carrot juice. I went to Trader Joe's to pick up some more lemons and maple syrup (and the right grade of organic this time) and I was just standing in the aisle with the smoothie drinks, wanting one sooo badly. So I said to myself "Self, what could a little pure carrot juice hurt?" So I picked it up, put in the basket, checked out, got into my car, opened it up, and...I couldn't do it. I just couldn't do it. I actually felt good about myself. I'm honestly pretty amazed at my willpower thus far. However, I am chewing gum. I don't care what anyone says, I need a break from water products. I'm chewing gum while I workout (yes I have a TON of energy and can't exactly explain why) and it makes me feel better. I don't feel like that nasty feeling on my tongue while I'm working out, so yes, I am chewing gum. SWF last night was pretty bad. I mean I drank it and 20 minutes later I could barely stand up.

Day 3: I am having some pains today in my lower back and lower stomach. I can't decide if its from hunger,or from working out, or if its my kidneys completely shutting down, lol. Actually that isn't a laughing matter. I have some serious issues with my kidneys and this detox is supposed to help. Good lawrd I hope its doing more help that damage. I haven't stepped on the scale again, b/c well, its only day 3 and I can't imagine I've lost very much. I mean I look exactly the same and I usually notice if I'm losing anything and seriously, can't say that I am. I'm a little worried b/c I'm supposed to go hang out with my girlfriend who is in town visiting her parents tonight and I just don't want to be confronted with food or wine b/c I'm afraid I'll give in to both. OR if I have really great willpower I'll be able to be confronted and have NEITHER!! Pray for me. I'm scared to do the SWF tonight....I just don't know if I can handle that again. Sigh. I'm also worried b/c my sister is coming tomorrow night and she wants to go to dinner. But I know I can't eat food and I think if I tried I would vomit. Honestly the thought of eating at a restaurant makes me want to vomit right now. Anyhooo, I'll write more tomorrow!!

Master Cleanse Day 1

Okay so I decided to try this Master Cleanse thing. Its not really because I want to lose weight, though that won't hurt the matter, its really because I've been reading some great things about it. It can help clear up your skin, help you curb your appetite after you complete the cleanse, give you more energy, detoxify, just to name a few. So I thought: "Hey let's give it a shot".

So the first drink I was dreading. I just knew it was going to taste like hail. So WonderMo sat with me at work while I fixed the first drink and also took the first sip with me. Much to my surprise, it was actually tasty! The maple syrup gives it a little bit of a natural cocoa taste and the cayenne pepper gives it a little kick. However, the first go round I found that I probably should have put the water in before I put the ice in (I'm having them cold) because the last bit of the drink made me sweat!! It was so hot it was like fire in my mouth! So word to the wise, mix first, then add water.

Im on my fifth glass today, only five more to go. I'm going to fix a pitcher of it because I'm finding the single cocktail creation seems to take a lot longer than necessary and is quite messy. So I figure this will make it a bit easier. I'm not going to lie, I've been hungry a few times today, but honestly it isn't as bad as I thought. I'm sure by tomorrow afternoon or tomorrow morning I'm going to want to eat my arm, but for now...I'm really okay.

I'm headed to the gym and wondering if I'm going to pass out while I'm on the elliptical, lol :) Anyhoo, I'm going to keep chronicling and see what this little cleanse brings!