I'm Terrified For Our Child

No, I'm not pregnant, but I always have the best discussions with Coal Miner about our future family. Last night was a prime example.

Coal Miner: Last time I was at his [his best friend] house that fucker [his bf's baby] cried the entire time. He was a pain in the ass.
Me: Umm wasn't he like a month or two old?
CM: Yea, so?
Me: So that's what babies do, they cry.
CM: Why? That's stupid. Do they all cry? Why do they cry? Do you think ours will cry?
Me: Yes, I do think ours will cry.
CM: Fuck that. Why is it going to cry? Kids are pain.
Me: B/c CM, that's how babies tell you when they are hungry, in pain, tired, want attention. Basically crying is how they tell you everything b/c they cant' talk.
CM: I hope our fucker doesn't cry.
Me: Can you please stop calling our unborn, not even created yet, child a fucker?
*without skipping a beat*
CM: OH! Did you know that babies don't drink water? How weird is that?
Me: Yes I did know that. And its not weird, they get all the water they need from milk & formula or breast feeding.
CM: Whaaaa? I get thirsty and I need water. So I think its weird that these babies don't get thirsty either.
Me: They do get thirsty. You give them milk.
CM: That's fucking weird. Why don't you give them water?
Me: B/c you're not supposed to CM. Like I said, if the baby is thirst, you give them milk or formula.
CM: If I was a baby, I'd be pissed. I mean I have like a steak and a potato and I need water to wash it down. Or I work out and I need water b/c I'm thirsty.
Me: Babies don't eat solid food or workout.
CM: Its still weird. I bet babies are really thirsty and need water.

So you all see what I'm dealing with right? And these are dead serious conversations. DEAD SERIOUS. My poor unborn, not even created yet, child. Pray for it. Pray hard.

Yea Imma Do That Before Kiddos

News update - I'm getting married in 39 days. How da hail did that happen? 4 weeks? Sweet mother of all things holy I've got a sh!t load to do before the big day. That being said, here's a list of the Top 10 things I've decided that Coal Miner and I will hopefully take part in prior to me getting knocked up.

1. Go Skydiving - Fairly certain my mother would kick my a$$ if I went skydiving and I had a child. Mostly because I'm a little accident prone and she thinks I'm highly inclined to kill myself. You can't do that if you have kids. You have to be all responsible and stuff. So I need to jump out of a plane with a quickness.

2. Go Whitewater Rafting - see number one. And yes I can't believe I haven't done this at this point in my life either.

3. Do a triathlon - training for a triathlon is difficult, time consuming, and daunting when your single. I can't imagine what it would be like with a child. The thought of that actually makes me shudder.

4. Have sex in every room in the house...again...may times - Gone will be the days of getting in on where ever we feel like it. We better make the most of it and bang it out on the kitchen floor again.

5. Set my sights on that Director spot - I should probably start aiming a little higher than I have been in the past 3 months b/c I haven't thought once about getting promoted recently. Hey I've been planning my wedding and doing a full-time job so you STFU. I'm totally allowed to be a slacker right now.

6. Go to Bora Bora - I've said this once, imma say it again - my ass is going to Bora Bora before I push a kid out my vag.

7. Listen to awful dirty music in the car, at very high volumes - I'll probably be the parent whose daughter sings Britney Spears and Lady Gaga, but I try and think highly of myself at times. I try and think I'll be good and only listen to the Christian channel or talk radio when rugrats are present. If that really is the case then I'm going to blast BritBrit on the way home. Sing my little heart out. Repeat ever dirty word she says. And then sing it again. Rock on!

8. Go on a road trip - I've been in the car with my nieces and nephews. I love them. I do. But the constant talking, the cartoons, the "I've gotta pee"s, the fighting, the crying, the screaming. And that's only been for like 30 minutes in a car. I don't even want to start to envision a 10 hour drive to Florida for our family vacation. It just sounds like a beta blocker and glass of wine moment.

9. Snuggle more - I'm so exhausted lately that I just kind of go with the flow. Wake up, go to work, go running, eat some dinner, go to bed. I hardly ever think about snuggling up to Coal Miner without any interruptions. I shall do that this evening.

10. Get married - Yea I should probably get through my wedding before I start making these kinds of lists huh? Speaking of that wedding, its really starting to become a drag planning this thing. I should have just ponied up the $7k and hired a wedding planner. WTF was I thinking?!?!?