Almost a year later...nothing but randomness

Just a rant and catch up today:

Work is driving me insane. We have this internal website called "HomeSite" in which news and other things are published. Yet, none of what is posted is actual News. The sad thing is people find this crap really important. Like "drive slowly through the neighborhood" and "make sure you throw your ciggarettes into the smoke towers"...really people? Really, our company is under fire on the reg and there are rumors about layoffs circulating and the best you can come up with is watch your speed and flick your cig in the right place? Man, if only my job were so easy.

Now about my job. Its a cluster F. I don't even actually know who I report to anymore, let alone my future in my organization. I've been working on this Treasury web site and no one else in my team has any involvement. Correction, no one else in the company has any involvement. So its a bit difficult to decipher my position here. Of course I'm getting the empty promises of promotions (I'm now going on year 3 of that same promise...yea I'm onto the game folks). So I've decided to try and jump ship. In this economy, it isn't going as well as expected.

I've been applying to positions down in South Florida, to no avail. Wish times were a little better, but not extreme like they were previously, so I could find a great company down there to get my foot in the door. I know what you are thinking, but you have this great job here in DC, and all of your friends. But let me spell this out for you. My "great" job is awesome, I'm not going to lie about that, but I do 3 times the work of anyone here, the expectation has been set, and now I'm working such long hours that I hardly get a chance to eat dinner prior to 8pm, let alone work out anymore. My friends have all coupled up and don't really have time to be my friends. I found out a year or so ago that I was the best friend any person could have at any given time, but the same was not in order for my friends. My core group is gone and it saddens me, but we all have to grow up at some time right? I guess we are all growing apart or its just me. In my hopes to keep my self-esteem at an okay level I'm going with the first choice.

Okay, babbled enough. Who wants to help me find a job in good 'ole Sunny Florida? Or at least one here in DC that doesn't make me sit in a chair working on my secretary's spread all day. :)

I Just Don't Belong

Yesterday I attended two baby showers. Both for long time friends, happily married, one planned, one not so planned but still welcomed. The first shower was a bit uncomfortable as I haven't seen the mother-to-be in a while. But it wasn't b/c of her. She and I can see each other once a year and it feels like it was yesterday. It was more the people in attendance. There were a group of ladies sitting with her and I didn't know a one of them. To be honest I only knew her childhood best friend, her sister, and her mother. Now keep in mind there were about 50+ people there. So anyway these ladies were all about my age, but didn't even say hi to me when I introduced myself. I thought maybe she had said something about me, but then I realized it wasn't me, it was what I represented. I was single, young, skinny, and the words marriage and children never escaped my mouth. I think they may have resented me, or, well...I don't know. So off from that shower to another shower I went.

When I arrived at the second shower again I didn't know anyone but the mother-to-be (she moved about a year ago), her sister, and her mother. But the mom-to-be is my lovie and after 10 seconds it felt like I just saw her last week. It was a little uncomfortable at first, but then I met another young lady like myself who didn't really know anyone. So we started chatting and she said something that rang very true with me. We were just talking about the shower and our plans and she says "I'm just not prepared for this, are you?" I chuckled b/c of course I'm not, and I told her that this is about the third time I've had this conversation at a baby shower. So she continues to say "So, is it strange for you?" And I think I said something I've been thinking but never really said out loud. I told her "Its hard because you look around and you realize you just aren't in this stage in your life, you may not be for a while, and you truly just don't belong. But I've been trying really hard to stay good friends and understand their new lives. I'm just not sure they understand my life just isn't the same as theirs. Its really easy to see why people grow apart as the years go on. But please do not feel like you are taking too long or you are missing out, b/c you aren't. We are both just fine, its just that we are on a little bit of a different plan than they are. Take your time, there's no rush!" She smiled, said "Yea, you are right! There is no rush and I don't need to be married or have a child to feel complete!" I smiled, and said "Exactly" then we continue to play "Baby Shower Bingo" and smiled at each other when everyone ooo'ed and ahhh'ed at the gifts that were given because we had no idea why you would be so excited about them.

BEWARE: Scam Artist on the Loose

It came to my attention today that I'm the victim of a scam artist. Now you may be thinking "OH NO! What happened?", but never fear, I always seem to bounce back. See this scam artist isn't your typical scam artist. This person is really very well trained in their craft. They make you believe that they are kind, thoughtful, trusting and very caring when in fact the person is actually a skeevster. The scams aren't your typical scams. These scams leave you feeling like you have done something wrong, like you are the one to blame. This scam artist gets you to apologize after they have attacked you and your character. This scam artist plots people against one another and then watches the game play out like you are their pawn in a game of chess. This scam artist doesn't look like a scam artist. No, no, this scam artist appears sweet and innocent but really they loathe you and they want what you have. This scam artist pouts when they don't get the attention they want and ignores you when you are the culprit of receiving more attention. They make you feel awful when you are having a good time or always turn the conversation to be about them. They talk to your friends about you and expect your friends to turn on you. I tell you, its amazing what people are capable of these days. But alas, I am above it. I will bounce back, I will say nothing, I will let this scam artist continue to run their scams because in the end they will be the ultimate loser. They will end up alone, friendless, and unable to see their true being. I am above it, oh yes, I am......but man some days I wish I wasn't so I could just throw a little piece of my mind out there! But, as my mother has always told me (quoted from the Bible) turn the other cheek Megan, be the bigger person, display maturity and hopefully this person will learn from you. One can only hope...one can only hope...

Odd Man Out

Why is it when your friends/family gets married/get into a relationship they can't seem to function without their husband/boyfriend/girlfriend? When I say "I'd love for you to come visit/hang out" I get a response of "We'd love to come!" "We" who? Maybe you misunderstood me, I said "you". "You" is singular, implying one person, it is not "we". See I have no problem hanging out with your significant other, but that wasn't my request. I mean I have a boyfriend and I don't invite him to everything I do with my guy/girlfriends, but maybe they didn't notice. Does something happen that I'm just missing? Is it not important to be your own person any longer or have your own friends? Don't get me wrong, I love most of my friend's husbands/wives/boyfriends/girlfriends but people are different when they are around their significant other. Why is it so wrong with spending quality time with this one person who you have a relationship, you know, you love and not have their significant other in tow?

At one point I was flattered that I was "sooo cool!" that the significant other WANTED to come and hang out with me...but then I realized....it had nothing to do with me. It was at the request of their wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend. They didn't want to go alone. Are our lives so different that you don't feel comfortable around me without them? Am I so strange that you can't be the person I grew to love without your partner? I find this very hard to believe. So, I've made a conscious effort to be Megan at all times and I hope I'm doing a good job (I know I get lost every now and then, I'm sorry I usually come out of hiding don't I?), I just want the same from my friends. Just be you around me, just you and me. Maybe I'm just at a different point in my life. Maybe I'm too independent..maybe I've just changed. I'm not sure, but I am sure of this, the next I am say "Let's go grab a drink" if you answer "What time should we be there?" I'm going to hang up on you!

Why is it Always My Responsibility?

I've lived in Northern Virginia for 5 years now. Of the time that I've lived here I've had three (3) visitors. One was my mother, the second my sister, and the third my friend Kati (we went to the Tech game at FedEx two years ago). Of the 5 years that I've lived here I've traveled far and away to visit my friends/family. I've gone to Richmond, Atlanta, North Carolina, Miami, Charlottesville, New York, Virginia Beach, Roanoke, West Palm Beach, Norfolk, California and various places in the Metro DC/VA/MD area. And I haven't visited these places just once, I've gone multiple times. Yet, not one person (with the exception of Kati two years ago) has made any attempt to come visit me. I know I'm not supposed to talk about this b/c I'm going to stir up some bad feelings and people are going to feel hurt, etc, etc (hence the image to the left) but I'm just extremely irritated by it now. I get guilt trips left and right about visiting folks, but I don't throw that on anyone, NOT ONCE have I done that...until today. I feel bad b/c I think the brunt of my frustration came out in my email to one person when really it was intended for an entire distribution list. Heck, even my family expects me to come to them instead of the reverse. Because I'm only one...I'm single...it’s expected....it’s not fair nor right and I have a pretty big issue with it.

I have a pretty harsh commute in the morning (if you live in Northern Virginia you understand). Each morning I get in my car to drive 13 miles. This 13 mile commute takes me 45 minutes on a good day. Yes, on a good day! I then get back in my car around 5:30/6:00pm to drive another 45 minutes, on a good day. I spend at least 2 hours of my day in a car. Do you think its fair for folks to request that I come visit them 4 hours away on my weekend? Before you answer that, let me also give you a little insight. We have this little area of NoVa called "The Mixing Bowl". This is where 495, 395, 295, and 95 come together...its awful, and it takes over 1 hour to get from that little spot to Woodbridge and then another hour to get to Quantico. So it takes me 2 hours to get out of NoVa (unless I leave on a random Thursday night or before 6am on a Friday). I would then have another 2 hours (at least) to get to my destination if it’s located someone on the map of Virginia. Now, you are right, I could leave on a Thursday night or a Friday morning but this entails me taking a vacation day. Oh that's nice...I'm taking a vacation day to come see people who have NEVER come to visit me? Does this sound right? Again, not fair nor right and I have a pretty big issue with it. Oh and don't even get me started on coming back here on a Sunday afternoon...you might as well fill up your tank, get some snacks, and get comfortable...cause you AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE! 240 miles = 6 hours...oh that's fun...OR NOT!

So all I'm saying people is cut me some slack okay. Unless you plan on showing your pretty little face in NoVa anytime soon (and I'm NOT talking about on your way to a football/baseball game) I suggest you put on your big boy pants (thanks RayRay) and quit your bitchin' b/c I'm trying my hardest to make everyone happy and believe me, it isn't easy!!!