Friday, April 30, 2010

I Barely Have Time to Pee During the Day

So I admit - I've been sucking on the blogging lately. Hey, I admitted it, so shut your face now okay?!?! I thought perhaps I'd rant a bit about my visit to the Bahamas. I know, I know, you are sitting there thinking "is this bish really gonna complain about going to the Bahamas?!?!" but you've gotta understand, I love to complain. No really, I do. Its like my favorite past time. At any rate, let the games begin.

Okay so we are supposed to be on a 8:30 flight out of DCA on US Airways (which I still refer to as US Scareways, b/c its STILL scary). We arrive at the airport, skate through security, and arrive at our gate (for our international departure) 1 hour and 15 minutes before the plane departs. The plane is there, the pilot is there, the flight attendants are there, we are all there, ready to go. So, we begin boarding at 7:45 (and ps I got shafted on my zone even though I have like 200K miles with Star Alliance, no biggie, go eff yourself USAir, I digress) and boarding goes super smooth. The following items annoy me about this flight:

1. This is a packed a$$ plane, with lots of children, which is just weird right? I mean I had no idea so many people took their children to the Caribbean for vacation? Dude we went to Disney World, and that was like a big deal (and 16 hours in a car). The Bahamas? Are you serious? What 6 year old understands the magnitude of the fact that they are going to the freaking Caribbean? I'm just now going to the Caribbean and I'm a working adult, who makes a great living, and can finally afford to do so. Additionally, I think going to the Caribbean is kind of romantic. What the hell is romantic about going there with your children? I know, I don't have kids, I don't get it...I've heard it before. But I am absolutely certain my kids aren't going to the Caribbean with Coal Miner and I...FACT!

2. The lady behind me has the whiniest fuggin kid I have ever heard. This kid betched about EVERYTHING. His seat, his jacket, his hat, he was hungry, he was tired, he didn't want to play that game, he didn't want his sister to read with him, he wanted a different book. BACKHAND YOUR KID OR I WILL. If I ever, ever, would have acted like that, it would have been one of my last days on this fine earth. Big Lee would have put me tarmac and left me there, FACT!

3. We've been sitting for almost 15 minutes beyond our take-off time and we haven't gone anywhere...hmmm..the pilot comes on and says "Well folks, looks like we have a small mechanical issue here. The mechanics are working on it now, but no idea when they'll be done, I'll keep you posted." 45 minutes later "Well folks...we haven't made much progress. Still having some issues, we'll keep you posted." 30 minutes later "Soooo *insert laughter* no new news. The mechanics are trying to decide if we should fix the problem, or if we should just get ourselves on a new plane. We hope to be out of here in the next 30 minutes." 30 minutes later "So its going to take way too long to fix this issue. We're just going to get you guys on a new plane. So let's have every de-board, and we'll re-board and the gate right next to us. Thanks for your patience folks." A) if he says "folks" one more time I'm launching my pen at him B) it took you 2 hours to figure that out a$$hole? C) get me off this plane I'm starving and I've got to tinkle.

4. We get to the new gate and the plane is sitting there, the pilots are there, the flight attendants are there, we are all there. Except we aren't boarding. We are the terminal...with no direction. 1 hour later "Okay everyone, we are going to board in the same order we did before. Zone 1" 30 minutes later "Sorry about the delay folks - lets get you to Nassau." Really? Really? I paid extra to leave at 8:30 in the morning so I could have a full day there, I'm now going to arrive 5+ hours AFTER I was supposed to arrive. I hate you US Airways - FACT!

5. While in-flight the attendants say to us over the VERY LOUD loudspeaker "We know you guys have missed out on some of your vacation, and we apologize. To make it up to you we'd like to offer you a US Airways Credit Card..." WHHHAAATTTT??? You want to offer me a credit card to make up for the fact that I just lost an entire day in the Bahamas? Wow, you guys are BOLD. "We are going to put an extra 5,000 miles on there for your trouble, and b/c you open the card, you get 25,000 miles, which means you are already eligible for a free flight. This will just cost you $79, the annual fee of the card." So Miss Chipper, it isn't actually a "free flight it is? Nope, doesn't take a 4th grader to figure that out. THIS BISH! Appalled...YES!

6. Jolly ride on the plane, we start getting near Nassau "Well folks, looks like you just missed the sunshine. Clouds are rolling in and a light drizzle has started. I hope you enjoy your stay and fly with us again." Ummm that's going to be a negative ghost rider.

So anyway, the weather sucked when we go there, but we got drunk and gambled at the casino so whatevs, that was fun. And then the next day was AMAZING. So I can't really complain b/c I did get to go to the Bahamas, and I did get some serious sun, and I did get to spend some awesome time with the Coal Miner, so I should shut my face right?

Oh and just so you know, I complained to US Airways. I didn't ask for anything, I didn't place blame, I just said that I was really disappointed in their airlines, I was appalled at the offering of a credit card, and they should really take a second look at their benefits realization structure with regard to their customers. In turn, they gave me two $75 vouchers to use within the next 6 months, with blackout periods...which I guess is a good start right?!?!?