Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Seventeen Magazine Called, They Want Me to Stop Subscribing

I made a stark realization the other day. I'm not young anymore. What, you aren't surprised? You shut up!! When I look in the mirror I'm still barely legal. I mean look at that blonde hair (bleached to cover the grays) and those legs (I BodyRock 3x's a week, and run at least 2 or 3x's a week, but its just my youth, I swear!).

So here are my new-found reasons as to why I know I am not in the prime of my youth as I once was.

1. I Cannot Drink More Than 2 Glasses of Wine w/o Getting White-girl Wasted
WTF is going on? I used to drink an entire bottle of wine like it was a liter of water. As if wine was necessary to survive. Now, you get me to finish two glasses I'm feeling great. Get me three or four and I may throw up in the middle of the night (its happened, don't judge me). I plan on working on this problem while I'm in Mexico. I find Mexico is a great place to rememdy such recently accquired short comings.

2. I Get Excited About the Price of Chicken by the Pound
You know you do as well, so don't deny it. This is an actual reality of mine. I even posted a FB status about it. I actually said to Coal Miner, while in the grocery store, that we should really invest in another freezer for the basement so I can take advantage of such great deals. WHO AM I? The me I know would have said we needed to invest in another closet, or convert our office to my dressing room, to take advantage of the Manolo markdowns at Saxs. I'm such a disappointment to myself.

3. I Dream of Pantries, Garages, and Driveways
Who would have thought a walk-in pantry, or even one that had a full door, would be something to cause me to get all giddy inside. I see pictures on Pinterest (you are the devil Pinterest) of fancy pantries and want to cry myself to sleep. And don't forget a garage and a driveway. I just want a driveway to park my car, and a garage to store my shit, is that too much to ask? Well yes actually it is b/c a) why do you have so much shit to store? (answer: b/c I'm old and have had years to accquire a lot of shit), and b) why do you need a driveway? (answer: b/c I'm old and don't like to walk far from my car).

4. Go Out this Friday Night? Stay Up Until 2am? No Thank You!
I cannot go out on the weekends any longer. If you take me to a club I am almost certain I will embarass you with my yawning, irritation at the noise levels, and invasion of personal space. I find myself starting to get cranky around 10:45pm. 10:45pm!! Ummmm I used to not even go out until 10:45pm, on a Wednesday (b/c those were the new Thursdays). Then I would stay out until 5am. These days I have an internal alarm clock that wakes me up each morning at 6:58am. Said alarm clock doesn't care if its a Tuesday or a Sunday. It sucks. And I can't sleep any longer than that unless I force myself to. So yea this 'ole girl won't be heading out to Lima in her body-hugging dress any time in the near future.

5. I Go to Tysons Corner to Go to Arhaus and Z-Gallerie
Really Megan? Really? Those are the most exciting stores? Why yes they are. B/c you know you are a full-fledged grown ass woman when you can't wait to check out the latest ikat curtains, organic bedding, and new throw pillows at your two favorite furniture stores.

6. I Spend My Weekends Running Errands and Hitting Up Lowes
Do I really need to expand on this topic? I used to go to brunch on Saturdays, at like 1, and drink mimosas. Now I'm heading to the cleaners, making returns at Home Goods, and buying stock in Home Depot. God I'd give anything for a mimosa right now.

So there you have it...its not a complete list b/c well that would just be exhausting, but I think you catch my drift. I'm fairly certain you are experiencing some of the same "Holy Shit!" moments. Ahh getting older, its a gem isn't it? Any good "Holy Shit" moments you'd like to share, comments welcome! :)