Tuesday, November 15, 2011

I Don't Usually Do the Political Thing But....

I work for a large financial company here in DC. We have seen our fair share of turbulent times (and recently requested a little more assistance from the government). I started working on a gov't sponsored program almost three years ago spearheaded by the current Administration. I've burned the midnight oil, sat through countless 6-hour long meetings, crunched numbers, brought new ideas to the table, and watched many many people come and go on both our side and the govie side.

This program is set to come to a close with the end of the current Administration. Its been labeled a failure for various reasons. Its been said it hasn't helped enough people. Even though our current administration pulled a number out of their hat regarding its potential reach when it was initially started. It should be noted though that its currently its helped over 1M Americans. Its been said its too difficult for the intended organizations to participate, too much red tape. Meanwhile the administration continues to write new lengthy guidance that pushes those same organizations further and further away. Its been said the organizations that do participate don't do so in a compliant manner. Yet no restrictions or consequences occur or are enforced if the organizations aren't compliant.

A lot has been said, mostly bad, but not many good stories and it leaves me wondering: Why would an Administration fail to highlight the positive pieces of such an expensive and fairly successful program? Why don't they advertise outreach events to help struggling Americans in their communities? Why don't they change the way they've been doing things, in this program, if they aren't working? Isn't the definition of insanity doing the same failed exercises over and over again.

We're coming up on the next election - even though its a year away and it disgusts me that focus has shifted from fixing this huge broken machine to selecting who the next well polished, tv-ready, male will be running our country. No one has a solid housing platform. Have you noticed? If you haven't yet, just look through their "stance" on housing....I'm waiting...find anything? Didn't think so. Not only do they not have a solid housing platform, they don't' really have any platforms. I can name one candidate, regardless of my political affiliation who actually has "plans" for anything related to our failing nation at this point: Ron Paul. The rest of them, they just read from cue cards. And our President isn't exempt from this either.

I'm surprised by this man who had the world, not just American, wrapped around his pinkie. He was naive, I get that. Maybe we all were. But I really believed he could make some things happen in this nation that no one had ever accomplished before. I was wrong, so was he, but I thought anything was possible in this great nation, b/c that's what I was taught.

I sit here each day and read the headlines and shake my head too often to count. Do me a favor readers, regardless of which party you affiliate yourself (To be honest, I don't even know how you could affiliate yourself with one side at this point. We, as a country, have moved beyond the confines of Red or Blue in my opinion.), really take a look at where we are going, what these politicians are saying, their past performance, and where they plan to take this great nation. I think if you do, you'll be shocked to learn they haven't said anything of worth, they haven't done anything spectacular in the past, and they really don't have a plan for our country. I think you'll find yourself scared for the future....and you should be.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Apparently My Pubes Are So 1998

WARNING: If you do not want to read about my pubes, do not continue reading. You have been warned.

So I was listening to the radio on the way to work the other morning. Yes, I still listen to good ole' FM morning radio. I prefer to listen to the same 10 songs in rotation for free as opposed to paying to hear the same 10 songs over and over and over again. I don't know why I prefer the free route, I just do. Crazy right?

At any rate, I was listening to a popular morning radio show and they were discussing grooming for women and men. The started going through a list of "musts" for women and, of course, the show hosts were weighing in on the list of musts. They came upon the always popular topic of women's pubic hair.

I've always been a strong supporter of female grooming. Mostly b/c women don't really need that hair any longer. It was there to protect us from germs and infection prior to the creation of soap and the daily ritual of showering. That being said, goodbye pubes.

In college my suite mates and I decided to get rid of it all. The term "shaved kitten" became a running joke in our suite. But honestly, getting rid of it all is tremendously time consuming and irritating. Literally, irritating. It ain't pretty, its prickly, and ends up not hot at all. instead it looks like you have chicken pox. Foul.

So I stumbled upon the landing strip. Ahhh the landing strip. It leads the guy right into the homeland. I've been sporting it ever since. So while listening to this morning show the female host (who is about 25) says "Oh my God! The landing strip is so 1998. Its all about the pube cube now!" Doooo what? The pube cube? And how dare that bish call out 1998. 1998 was a great year! I graduated from high school and started college in 1998. Back the eff up youngin!

So I, being the inquisitive gal that I am began to google the term pube cube. It originally is from a chick who shaved and dyed her pubes to look like a rubix cube. Originally coined a pubix cube. Emmm no thank you. I'd rather not dye anything down there. I'm already dying my hair on my head (which is a 6 hour process). And its already a lot of work shaving 75% of my entire body, so getting my pubes dyed is last on the list.

However, I'm more than happy to try something new. And I clearly don't want Coal Miner to be out on the prowl for some up to date pubes. So I did it. Emmm its the landing strip, just shorter, like a cube. SMDH.

Friday, November 4, 2011

I'm Terrified For Our Child

No, I'm not pregnant, but I always have the best discussions with Coal Miner about our future family. Last night was a prime example.

Coal Miner: Last time I was at his [his best friend] house that fucker [his bf's baby] cried the entire time. He was a pain in the ass.
Me: Umm wasn't he like a month or two old?
CM: Yea, so?
Me: So that's what babies do, they cry.
CM: Why? That's stupid. Do they all cry? Why do they cry? Do you think ours will cry?
Me: Yes, I do think ours will cry.
CM: Fuck that. Why is it going to cry? Kids are pain.
Me: B/c CM, that's how babies tell you when they are hungry, in pain, tired, want attention. Basically crying is how they tell you everything b/c they cant' talk.
CM: I hope our fucker doesn't cry.
Me: Can you please stop calling our unborn, not even created yet, child a fucker?
*without skipping a beat*
CM: OH! Did you know that babies don't drink water? How weird is that?
Me: Yes I did know that. And its not weird, they get all the water they need from milk & formula or breast feeding.
CM: Whaaaa? I get thirsty and I need water. So I think its weird that these babies don't get thirsty either.
Me: They do get thirsty. You give them milk.
CM: That's fucking weird. Why don't you give them water?
Me: B/c you're not supposed to CM. Like I said, if the baby is thirst, you give them milk or formula.
CM: If I was a baby, I'd be pissed. I mean I have like a steak and a potato and I need water to wash it down. Or I work out and I need water b/c I'm thirsty.
Me: Babies don't eat solid food or workout.
CM: Its still weird. I bet babies are really thirsty and need water.

So you all see what I'm dealing with right? And these are dead serious conversations. DEAD SERIOUS. My poor unborn, not even created yet, child. Pray for it. Pray hard.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

You're a Skank. True Story, Based on Facts.

Coal Miner and I just got back from our honeymoon.  Yea, I got married up while I've been on this little blog hiatus.  It was pretty awesome.  We were in Cabo.  I'd like to go back.  Like now.  But I guess I need to work to pay the bills to go back to Cabo huh? 

At any rate, while we were honeymooning we had some of the best discussions.  One of my favorites was about his time as a single guy and how the ladies he met behaved within the first 4 hours of meeting him. 

I hear time and time again that ladies in the DC area can't figure out why they can't find a good guy or why they are still single.  After listening to Coal Miner's stories (and a new little gem of a story from one of his friends this weekend) it really isn't all that hard to understand.  Young women these days are a skank fest.  Let's begin with some examples (you KNOW I love providing real life examples). 

Coal Miner used to frequent Union Jacks in ARL quite often.  Apparently this place has been dubbed "the bar to find whores" (dubbed by me of course) due to the numerous stories I've been told about ladies shamelessly throwing themselves at men.

For instance, Coal Miner informed me that one time, while standing at the bar, minding his own business, a young lady walked up to him and grabbed his junk.  She stood there with her hand over his junk, and asked him if he was going to buy her a drink.  She then proceeded to rub his junk while she drank her beer and then asked Coal Miner if he was planning to take her home or what.  He, of course, could not refuse such an easy offer so he obliged, took the young lady home, did the deed, and left.  Wow.

Another story I was told was from this weekend.  One of Coal Miner's friends was at Union Jacks (surprise!) and a young lady started chatting it up with him.  She was all flirty and rubby McRubberson, dirty dancing, getting wasted, you know the deal.  Then she introduced him to her roommate.  Her roommate began to get tipsy and rub his friends junk and look over at her roommate and make all "yay" type faces.  He was convinced he was getting a menag out of the situation.  Closing time - the first girl invites him back to their place.  He does the deed with the first girl, while the other girl is in the shower.  He then exits the apartment, gets downstairs, and the other girl yells out the window for him to come back upstairs.  When he does, she is there, naked, hops on him and starts making out with him, giving him a handy, doing a beejee.  Wow.

So ladies, let me just give you a quick tip from the non-whore handbook.  If you really do want to find someone to be with, and aren't interested in being a skank, stop acting like a skank.  Stop sleeping with guys within the first 4 hours of meeting them.  Stop giving them bj's within the first 4 hours of meeting them.  For God's sake just stop!  You give all of us a bad name.  And quite honestly I would have no interest in having a relationship with you if you blew me on the first date or had sex with me on the first date.  Stop being a skank and you may just find that guys want you even more.  Worked on Coal Miner, and from what I hear, works on most other guys as well.  True story, based on facts.