Thursday, April 14, 2011

Secret Lovers

I have a secret lover. Yes, its true. Don't you worry your pretty little heads, Coal Miner knows all about it. He's not happy about it, but there really isn't anything he can do. Our affair started long before I met him, and I have no plans to discontinue the relationship. I just can't stop. Its too addicting. Its too exciting. Put those two things together, and you basically can't compete. I've apologized to Coal Miner, but I don't even know that he cares anymore. You can't even compare the two really. I mean there's history there. We've been through a lot together. I just remember that feeling I got when I opened that first package I received at the beginning of our relationship. The joy of walking up to my door, seeing the package there, knowing who it was from. The anticipation, the heart just can't be matched. The feelings that rush over me...Coal Miner just can't give me that, he just can't. I can't give up my catalogs. I love my catalogs. They bring me immense joy.

Listen (this is mostly for Coal Miner), I know they clog our mailbox. I realize there are about 50+ of them lying around the house right now. But they are my guilty pleasure. Even the mailman knows I need them. I love looking through them, finding new cool stuff. I sure as shit love ordering from them. Honestly look at all of the cute clothes I get from Victoria's Secret, you cannot deny me that, can you? I'm like a giddy little school girl when I see the packages at the front door. Its soooo exciting. And I find all these cool home decor things that no one would have ever thought of, right? Think of our curtains, where did I find those? Not in a store, nope I couldn't find them for months. Until one day, that sweet sweet Z Gallerie catalog arrived. 6 months I waited to find the perfect curtains, and there they were!! So yea, I love them. I mean I really love my catalogs. My heart beats a little faster when I see the mailbox stuffed to the brim with them. Yea yea I get it, sometimes its hard to get the mailbox open with the key because the catalogs are blocking the lock. But that's the price you have to pay for finding delightful treasures in catalogs. How could anyone deny me that pleasure? HOW?

So that's that. I'm not giving them up. I love them. They love me. The mailman stays gainfully employed. I stay happy. I contribute to the economy. Really, this is a win-win situation for everyone don't you think? I love you catalogs. You are my fave.

No comments: