Career Megan vs. Street Megan

I realized about 30 minutes ago that I have dual personalities. There is Career Megan and then there is Street Megan. Career Megan is extremely professional. She is polite in all of her dealings, remains politically correct at all times, and can whip together a corporate strategy before you can say "Government Bailout." Let me give you an example of an exchange that would take place with Career Megan.

Unnamed VP: Megan, [co-worker name] is clearly incapable of handling the assignment I have provided her. I think it would be best if you handled her assignments going forward. As for this assignment, I'll need that completed immediately as the deadline has already passed. You'll be able to complete that asap right?


Career Megan: Sure [VP], that shouldn't be a problem. Does [co-worker name] know that I'll be handling the assignment on her behalf?


VP: Ummm no, she doesn't. I think its best if we just kept this between the two of us. I feel kind of bad that she isn't able to handle the request. This IS what I hired her to do, but some people have it and some people don't you know??


Career Megan: Oh yes, I'll be sensitive to the issue. I'll start working on that now.

Now let me introduce you to Street Megan. Street Megan has no filter. She's blunt and to the point, doesn't take anyone's shit, could at times be called "ghetto" in her responses and behavior, and curses like a truck driver's daughter. Street Megan is the "Megan" that most people know and love. I'm assuming if they met Career Megan they would be astounded and would probably pass out from the shock of professionalism and clean language. If we were to refer back to the situation that just took place, these are the responses Street Megan would have given.

Unnamed VP: Megan, [co-worker name] is clearly incapable of handling the assignment I have provided her. I think it would be best if you handled her assignments going forward. As for this assignment, I'll need that completed immediately as the deadline has already passed. You'll be able to complete that asap right?


Street Megan: Ummm, doooo what? Something wrong with that betch that she can't do it herself? And asap, whaaaaa??? Did you JUST find out the she was incapable of doing such tasks? Does she know I'm about to take on all of her work because she isn't smart enough to do it herself?


VP: Ummm no, she doesn't. I think its best if we just kept this between the two of us. I feel kind of bad that she isn't able to handle the request. This IS what I hired her to do, but some people have it and some people don't you know??


Street Megan: *laughing* Oh yes [VP's name] I DO know. And really, really, you want us to "keep it to ourselves" huh? Orrrr you could fire her. You hired her to perform specific tasks, which she is clearly incapble of completing, so why would you keep her around? And how can you feel bad for her? What the hell is wrong with this place? Its like worse than the government! How can you work somewhere, not do your job, and STILL work here. And then no one wants to even talk to you about the fact that you aren't performing as expected. Oh no, we'll just give your work to someone else because they don't have enough work of their own to do. Eff this place, I'm out. OOOOoooo OOOOOOOOOOOOO (throwing dueces)

So you see, each day I struggle while at work to keep Street Megan at bay. She tends to speak in a soft muffled voice at my desk, using every curse word ever created. Sometimes she starts to come out and I have to use all of my might to push her down and let Career Megan handle the situation. Career Megan is so level-headed, I'm so proud of her. Street Megan just thinks she's a little biiiitch.