I Don't Usually Do This, But...

I'm here to discuss something very important. Its a subject that is near and dear to me. Its personal. Its important. Its no laughing matter, that's for sure. Its my hair. Its turning gray. Now for those of you who just gasped and said "it couldn't be! you are too young for that!" you are correct, I am. I'm very young. I'm barely legal. I find myself looking in the mirror on a daily basis and thinking to myself "you are one hot young thang lady." And then I see my hair. I shake my head in disbelief and I continue on with my day. With that nagging notion in the back of my mind, tearing at my heart strings. How in the hell am I going gray?

Seriously, this is a serious question. At what age did you start going gray? Because my mother started going gray at the age of 40'something. That's bullshit. I haven't even had a child yet. I'm not even married yet. I swear to the heavens above it is THIS JOB that is making me go gray. Is that even possible? That a job and stress can make you go gray? I'm looking for someone or something to blame b/c homegurl ain't happy about the recent set of events. Let me lay this out for you.

I notice about 2 months ago that I had some gray hair. No biggie maybe a few strands, I can deal with that right? But mostly it was really blonde hair that I was seeing. It was summer, the sun bleaches me out every year, whatevs, Nothing to get all worked up about. Then about a month ago I noticed that it might be possible that those reaaaaallly blonde hairs were in fact gray. So I peered into the mirror one sunny morning and pulled one (read 10+) out just to check, and double check, and triple check. They were in fact...gray. Hmmm that's weird. But still, not terrible. Then it happened. About a week ago, Coal Miner says to me "Baby, you've got A LOT of gray hair. When are you going to call Cornholio (my stylist) to get fix that?"
.....
.....
.....
Yea that's me pausing and preventing myself from launching across the the front seat of the car to rip Coal Miner's jugular out. I respond so pleasantly HE'S IN FUCKING LONDON OKAY? YOU THINK I HAVEN'T NOTICED MY GRAY HAIR? SIT AND SPIN ASSHOLE!

This morning, this morning was bad *shaking my head*. I looked in the mirror and it is quite possible that the entire portion of my non-bleached roots are going gray. I really don't know what to do, besides the obvious which is dye dye dye (I sound like the Republicans "Drill drill drill"). I just can't come to grips with this...its to early...its to soon...its not right...its...its...the end of an era. Gone are the days of dying my hair for fun, and just b/c I could. Here are the days of dying my hair to cover my gray. What a sad, sad day indeed. Screw you aging, you suck serious donkey nuts. *as I flip my hair to one side hoping no one sees that tinge of gray in my side part*

I'm Too Tired for Funny Headlines

I'm not sure what is going on lately, but I'm having bad dreams nightly. And I'm not just talking about "oh it was so sad, blah blah happened." I'm talking "there was a Tiger chasing me and it was after everyone." Or how about the other night when I woke up and said "I was hiding in a washing machine, from this guy who was chasing me. When he found me in the washing machine, I stabbed him the neck with a black ink pen. He died. I was happy. And it was a front load washer, that's how I fit in it." WHAT THE WHAT? I don't know what my deal is, but I'm over it. I'm not getting good sleep. I'm waking up either terrified or pissed off (I was pretty pissed about the Tiger/Lion whatever it was trying to eat me. I was pissed that the situation would even occur.) which leads me to start my morning terrified and/or pissed off, which leads me to be irritated that I'm terrified and/or pissed off b/c of my stupid dreams.

As you can see none of this makes for the good start to the day. I also can't seem to sleep through the night without waking up once or twice. Not for any particular reason other than the fact that the dog keeps going all "Paranormal Activity" on me and shit. For the past month this bih has been waking up, staring at me, walking to the door, staring down the stairs, looking back at me, going to the top of the stairs, staring down stairs, then sitting right next to me on the floor at attention (she's a German Shepard, visualize please). So I'm fairly certain my dog is seeing something downstairs, or at least hearing something. JESUS. H. CHRIST can I please not have a haunted house? I just ignore her and the entire situation, and act like I'm still sleeping, b/c I watch A&E and they tell you not to engage with the spirits unless you are ready to head down that path. Who will never be ready to head down that path? THIS GIRL! So I tell my coworker about this and she says "Have you gone downstairs to see what it is?" To which I respond "FUCK NO!" What is wrong with this chick? Why don't you rephrase that to "Have you gone downstairs to be murdered? Or better yet to check out some demon making himself some dinner?" Ain't no way I'm going to check out what that dog sees. That's between the dog and the demon.

While discussing sleeping, I want my pillow back. Coal Miner stole my pillow about two months ago. I was out of town, and when I came back into town my pillow was on his side of the bed. My pillow is rad. Its a tempurpedic foam pillow. Its like sleeping on an angel's wing all night. Coal Miner found this secret gem, I had been keeping to myself, one evening while I was gallivanting around the United States trying to save people from going into foreclosure and has refused to give it back since. He told me he was going to buy me another one. Does it sound like he has made said purchase yet? Yea, that would be a no. So I want my pillow back and I want it back now. The thanks I get for trying to save all of the US's delinquent homeowners from losing their houses...SMH.

So anyway, I've posted about my dreams before b/c I'm a vivid dreamer. But lately they've been really bad. I'm sick of waking up feeling like I either want to punch the air, not in delight, or hide in a closet like the kid from "Sixth Sense." I'm so whiny today. Did you notice. I'm actually annoying myself. Ewwww! If I read this post I would want to stick me in a corner for a time out. These damn dreams are making my life a living hell. Someone please tell me how to stop the bad dreams. PRETTY PLEASE?!?!?!