Youz a Ho

So currently I work on this program at work where I have to listen-in on folks calling into a call center for assistance with their home loans.  Needless to say I've had some pretty interesting moments while listening in to these calls.  I feel bad b/c I've actually cried on a few of those b/c they are just heart wrenching, but then there are people who are just angry, or those that are just off their faking rockers.  Let me just give you a little insight into my daily life:

1. Caller:  I 'm having a hard time hearing you b/c my left ear is all clogged up with wax.  Can you speak a little louder?
   
   
2. Agent:  What is the total monthly income of those contributing?
   Caller:  Well I give most of my money to Jesus.
   Agent:  Oh that's wonderful ma'am.  What is the total monthly income of those contributing?
   Caller:  Ask Jesus how much I give him.  He'll tell you.
   
   
3. Agent:  How can we help you today?
   Caller:  I didn't ask for your *bleep*'ing help!
   
   
4. Agent:  Would you like me to transfer you to our Spanish speaking agents?
   Caller:  Huh?
   Agent:  I can transfer you to a spanish speaking agent if that would be more helpful.
   Caller:  Huh?  I don't speak Spanish, I'm from India.
   Agent:  Oh.
   
   
5. Caller (while on hold):  I hate all these representatives.  I'm sure they are all stupid *bleep*'ing idiots and never graduated from high school.  Hello?  Is anyone there?  Stupid *bleep*'ing people.  I don't even know why I'm on hold (inaudible)...something about needing to verify my information.  I hate these *bleep*'ing people.
   
   
6. Colleague of mine:  i was on hold while monitoring calls the other day...and the music was like this new agey/porn sounding music.  kinda freaked me out.
   
   
7. Agent:  Thank you for calling [not telling you where I really work] how can we help you today?
   Caller:  Hello?
   Agent:  Thank you for calling [mind your business] how can we help you today?
   Caller:  Oh, there you are!  Did you know that I haven't paid my mortgage since May?
   Agent:  No sir I didn't know that.  I'm sorry to hear about that, how may we help you today?
   Caller:  Well you could pay my mortgage for me.  That would be a good start.  I mean doesn't everyone else get bailouts these days.  Can you bail me out [agent's name]?
   Agent:  No sir, unfortunately I can't.
   Caller:  Well that's a b*tch, thanks for your help.  OR NO *bleep*'ing HELP!  THIS COUNTRY BLOWS!
   
   
8. Agent:  Can I have your loan number?
   Caller:  I don't know it.
   Agent:  Okay, and what is your monthly mortgage payment including all taxes and HOA fees.
   Caller:  I have no idea.  Where would I find that?
   Agent:  That's okay sir, can you provide me the property address?
   Caller:  Where would I find that?
   Agent:  Sir you do live in the house correct?
   Caller:  Yep, I own the house.
   
   
9. Caller:  *singing* Imma get my mortgage paid...what now, what now.  Imma get my mortgage paid...yea yea, ooo oooo.  Imma get my mortgage paid, and stay up in my house.

These are just some of the higlights.  I won't mention any of the people who made me cry b/c those are not funny in the least bit.  They are hella depressing.  But these literally made my day when I was listening-in.  I'm sure I'll have more of these at a later date.