Monday, February 15, 2010

Why No, Actually I Don't Live in Vermont

I've decided to write a list of things that I miss. See as i've grown older (and if one more person calls me a "soon to be cougar" I'm going to kick their a$$) I'm not quite as fun as I used to be. No, I swear it, its true. I mean yea I know, I'm still super fun, but not like the 20-something super fun I used to be ya know. So I'm going to write about the 20-something antics I used to engage, and why I miss them. Its more therapy for me than for you, so shut your face. Maybe I'll write something fun next week when I'm sitting on my couch watching Lifetime again. Ps, Lifetime is a horrible channel. How did I at one point "love this channel"?!!? Man I had issues.

I Miss You....
Metabolism: You and I were once inseparable. You were quick, fast, speedy and allowed me to barely gain any weight without ever exercising. Its official, you have slowed down and have forced me to begin running copious amounts of miles each week. Its okay, I understand, its a fact of life. But I really miss you. Perhaps you could come back and visit?

Dancing on Boxes/Stages/Bars: We had some good times didn't we? Not only was it hella fun, I made money doing it. Yea I know, my outfits were a bit skanky and I had to work super late hours. But I got free booze, and made cash, and didn't have claim a dime of it. Now I could never dream of getting up on a bar, scantily clad, and show up Beyonce's moves. And no readers, I was not a stripper, I was a club dancer. Jezus you guys have no faith in me.

Staying up until 5am and sleeping-in until 1pm: Oh how I long to see the sunrise in a druken haze again. Oh how I long to put up darkening shades at 5am so I can sleep until mid-afternoon. Only to wake up and do it all again the next day. In all actuality the thought of that does not inspire me at all. It actually makes me yawn, but hey it was a lot of fun at the time.

Cigarettes: Smokey friend, we have parted ways but how I long to take one nice long drag, right after a sip of RedBull and Vodka. Ahhhh I can taste it now. That smokey aftertaste in my mouth, then I take another sip of the RedBull and Vodka. Then the buzz kicks in. yea, that was nice. All except the possibility of getting lung cancer part. WTF was I thinking? Thanks be to God I stopped doing that. HOWEVER, please note I loved it at the time. It was so theraputic. But stupid.

Fast Food as a Hangover Cure: Oh McDonald's, we've been through some tough times together. Your fountain soda, greasy burger, and medium fry could cure even the worst hangover. Laying on the living room floor, wishing I were dead, with my roommates feeding me a Big N' Tasty meal, and feeling better within a hour. Oh yes, McDonald's you ARE the most amazing hangover cure. Too bad that metabolism thing slowed down and now I can instantly feel the fat hit my thighs if I even take a bite of a Big N' Tasty.

Wednesdays Are the New Thursday, Thursdays are the New Friday, etc: Glasses of cabernet for $2.50? Why yes, I think I'll have 12, on a Tuesday, why not? That my friends, was RAD. We used to drink like every night. I mean like getting FACED every night. I don't even remember most of those nights, but I do remember that they were f-u-n. Tuesdays were the new Wednesdays, I don't care what anyone says. Shall we dance Wednesday? One final farewell?

*Le sigh* I do miss all of you so...I miss you so.


LiLu said...

I think all of our metabolisms are frolicking in a field together, mocking us.

MDubs said...

I must find that field!

Amber D. said...

Gawd I've been gone a while... just had to come and check your blog. That, my friend, could be my list exactly.

I would also add, I miss my six pack abs... those are gone, probably never to return. And I didn't have to work out a day in my life to have them. WTF.