Monday, March 28, 2011

I'm So Bored w/Your Vintage Wedding

Wedding Rant, Prepare Thyself: So, I'm planning this wedding right? I'm trying to be creative, yet classy. Fun, yet serious. Incorporate bright colors, yet ensure I am cognizant of the fact that its Fall. This should be easy right? Wrong my friend. All I see these days is rustic. Rustic Vintage. What the hell is rustic vintage? You can't even be rustic and vintage at the same time can you? What is that Old Hollywood meets Old McDonald? I'm not wearing a bird cage on my face. I'm not. I refuse. And I'm sure as shit not wearing bright red lipstick. I'm also not having a carnival. Soooo yea, where does that leave me? This seriously shouldn't be this difficult. And trying to get invitations that aren't fugly or played out? Forget about it. Sigh. Yes I love Etsy. Yes I'm doing some DIY stuff. But no, I'm not looking for an old typewriter for guests to type me a message. Yea, its cute but that shit is super time consuming. Oh and the ink. I can't even imagine the line for typing up one of those things. I know me, and if I were presented the option at a wedding I'd type an essay. This can only lead to a long line of people waiting to use the "vintage rustic" typewriter right? And no I'm not looking for gold frames either. And nope, my wedding isn't in a barn (though there is one on the property). I'm I weird if I like a little rustic opulence? lol Is that even possible? I mean I love the rustic feel. But every single photo I see these days looks exactly the same. I know, I know, put on your big girl pants and your creative hat and shut the f up. I'm trying people, I'm trying. Oh and another thing, why can't I find someone to marry us? Are there only like 5 officiants in the DMV? And why are all mother of the bride dresses atrocious? I mean ATROCIOUS. I don't want my mom wearing that crap. She's a young skinny thang. She shouldn't have to wear some turrible elasticky frump fest. Worse! I am making progress though. I got a DJ, food is done, venue is done, bmaids dresses are done, my dress is done, flowers...oh shit flowers. Uggghhh I literally just remembered I haven't even thought about that yet. Sweet jezus in the morning. Why, why are flowers like a bazillion million dollars? Imma grab some flowers off the side of the road, stick 'em in a vase and call it a day. Kidding. Maybe.


JB said...

As long as you have a beautiful bride, a beaming groom, alcohol and some music, it will be a success! And I know you will have all of the above!

Don't I Know You? said...


Flat Stanley has spoken.

MDubs said...

@Flat Stanley - Mom tried to get a champagne colored white. Had to stop that crazy woman in her tracks!

@JB - You my friend, are correct! :)