I'm Terrified For Our Child

No, I'm not pregnant, but I always have the best discussions with Coal Miner about our future family. Last night was a prime example.

Coal Miner: Last time I was at his [his best friend] house that fucker [his bf's baby] cried the entire time. He was a pain in the ass.
Me: Umm wasn't he like a month or two old?
CM: Yea, so?
Me: So that's what babies do, they cry.
CM: Why? That's stupid. Do they all cry? Why do they cry? Do you think ours will cry?
Me: Yes, I do think ours will cry.
CM: Fuck that. Why is it going to cry? Kids are pain.
Me: B/c CM, that's how babies tell you when they are hungry, in pain, tired, want attention. Basically crying is how they tell you everything b/c they cant' talk.
CM: I hope our fucker doesn't cry.
Me: Can you please stop calling our unborn, not even created yet, child a fucker?
*without skipping a beat*
CM: OH! Did you know that babies don't drink water? How weird is that?
Me: Yes I did know that. And its not weird, they get all the water they need from milk & formula or breast feeding.
CM: Whaaaa? I get thirsty and I need water. So I think its weird that these babies don't get thirsty either.
Me: They do get thirsty. You give them milk.
CM: That's fucking weird. Why don't you give them water?
Me: B/c you're not supposed to CM. Like I said, if the baby is thirst, you give them milk or formula.
CM: If I was a baby, I'd be pissed. I mean I have like a steak and a potato and I need water to wash it down. Or I work out and I need water b/c I'm thirsty.
Me: Babies don't eat solid food or workout.
CM: Its still weird. I bet babies are really thirsty and need water.

So you all see what I'm dealing with right? And these are dead serious conversations. DEAD SERIOUS. My poor unborn, not even created yet, child. Pray for it. Pray hard.