Take it Back - NEVA!

What I Learned in Ocean Schitty, MD

1. Do not take advice from a drunk woman at the Liquor Store. Even if she says she works in a bar and suggests you "TAKE THE BUS" the beitch is crazy and doesn't know anything about Malt Liquor.
2. Drinking Sparks will most definitely lead to an uncomfortable experience the following day while basking in the sun.
3. When there is a Hurricane off the coast, its probably best to stay the fak out of the water unless you want to be carried away by a rip current and practically lose your bikini bottom.
4. Guidos love OC and are proud to tell you the exact location of where they are from including their neighborhood, family origin, and introduce you to their boys.
5. Wearing a tshirt, jeans and flip flops to a club is completely acceptable and you may even be told multiple times how hot/amazing/beautiful/unbelievable/scrumptious you are.
6. Do not text or look at FaceBook when you get home at 2am. This will lead to drunk texting, drunk FB'ing, and embarrassment in the morning when you re-read your text(s) and post(s) knowing that they are suitable for textsfromlastnight.com.
7. Lying about your name (and saying its the person's with you) is really not the best idea. Somehow its going to come out that you share the same name and instead of telling the truth you will just laugh in the dude's face.
8. Never give your phone number, but always offer to take someones phone number. Then don't actually store in your phone, just hit end. This is a magical trick.
9. If wondering where you are on the boardwalk do not announce, while mildly intoxicated, out loud "WTF this place SUCKS. Why can't they be like Virginia Beach and having f'ing signs that tell you where the f you are?" b/c then a little 10 year old boy will say to you "not listen in on your conversation, but look up. There's the sign. You're on 7th street." Smart ass kid.
10. If the bartender gives you a free shot that tastes like Dimetapp, don't drink that ish, b/c its only going to hurt you later on in the evening.
11. When someone says "I really think I'm going to throw up", ignore them. They don't really mean that - they just need pizza, bread sticks, and some H2O.
12. Making friends with everyone in the bar is okay and even a lot of fun. However those friendships ends when you hit the front door of that bar/club, there will be no further communication and its just best that way.
13. When asking someone if they "party" and they respond that they love parties, just drop it.
14. White Snake is the best band ever.
15. Henna Tattoos are rad b/c they are only slightly permanent yet allow you to be just trashy enough for one weekend.
16. Piercing your nose is not an option, and your luck it will get infected, so stop asking about it.

Am I OK if I say WTF on a Daily Basis?

Dude today sucks and I want a do-over of last night. I didn't go running this morning b/c I decided to sleep an extra hour. Dude I'm a slacker. Maybe I'll get to go running tonight while its 4 trillion degrees outside. I'm getting pretty cised about my little vacation with my PIC this weekend, however Hurricane Bill (yes, they actually named a hurricane Bill, that's just funny) might put a little damper on our sun exposure and that does not make this Sun Queen very happy. I need to bask in the beauty of a UV Index 10 and I don't want that to be disturbed. If Hurricane Bill knows what's good for him, he'll lay off on hitting the east coast until Monday so I can miss out on work. You hear that Hurricane Bill? You better watch it you prick, you are on my sh!t list.

I thought last night went rad, but maybe I was mistaken. Homeboy is super cute, but I haven't heard anything today. I hope its not that gey 3-day rule. I mean seriously who created this BS? Why would you wait 3 days? Is that a fun game to torture yourself when you want to speak to someone? GEY! Oh I've decided on a nickname for him - it shall be Coal Miner.

Dinner with the ex is supposed to be tonight, but in his usual fashion I have not heard a peep from him since Monday. He'll probably call 10 minutes before he's coming to pick me up and tell me to get ready. That's so his steeze. I was talking to Coal Miner about him last night and its funny when you look back on things and realize the ish you put up with b/c you were "so in love". I realized I was miserable for like the last year...probably longer, but I can only really remember the last year just being purely un-enjoyable. And that f'er was like sex texting and sex emailing people, WTF? Why did I put up with that? Guess you will do crazy ish when you are "in love". You like how I keep putting that in quotes? Its b/c I think its haaalarious.

On a different note, today at work I called our "help desk" - aka "The 7's" and they were of no help, once again. Here's how the conversation went:
Me: Hey I'm trying to get this requisition to submit and I'm receiving an error on Line Schedule 1. I have no idea what that means, can you help?
HD Guy: I think that means that you are missing some information on Line Schedule 1.
Me: What and where is Line Schedule 1?
HD Guy: Oh I'm not sure maam.
Me: Seriously? Well how do I find out?
HD Guy: I'm not sure maam.
Me: So you can't help me?
HD Guy: Well it seems like I answered your question, did I not?
Me: Umm not exactly. You don't even know where Line Schedule 1 is, so how does that help me?
HD Guy: I'm not sure ma'am.
Me: Okay, well thanks...uhhh...I guess.
HD Guy: Is there anything else I can assist you with today?
Me: Did you just assist me and I missed something?
HD Guy: I'm sorry ma'am?
Me: Nothing...have a good day
HD Guy: You too ma'am and thank you for calling The 7's.
They are the most useless group of individuals known to mankind. And do you know that we outsource them...to Utah. Of all places, we picked Utah? WTF? As usual logic is beyond me, but that's how we roll here.

Alright, back to the daily grind. Peace out baishes.