What I Learned in Ocean Schitty, MD
1. Do not take advice from a drunk woman at the Liquor Store. Even if she says she works in a bar and suggests you "TAKE THE BUS" the beitch is crazy and doesn't know anything about Malt Liquor.
2. Drinking Sparks will most definitely lead to an uncomfortable experience the following day while basking in the sun.
3. When there is a Hurricane off the coast, its probably best to stay the fak out of the water unless you want to be carried away by a rip current and practically lose your bikini bottom.
4. Guidos love OC and are proud to tell you the exact location of where they are from including their neighborhood, family origin, and introduce you to their boys.
5. Wearing a tshirt, jeans and flip flops to a club is completely acceptable and you may even be told multiple times how hot/amazing/beautiful/unbelievable/scrumptious you are.
6. Do not text or look at FaceBook when you get home at 2am. This will lead to drunk texting, drunk FB'ing, and embarrassment in the morning when you re-read your text(s) and post(s) knowing that they are suitable for textsfromlastnight.com.
7. Lying about your name (and saying its the person's with you) is really not the best idea. Somehow its going to come out that you share the same name and instead of telling the truth you will just laugh in the dude's face.
8. Never give your phone number, but always offer to take someones phone number. Then don't actually store in your phone, just hit end. This is a magical trick.
9. If wondering where you are on the boardwalk do not announce, while mildly intoxicated, out loud "WTF this place SUCKS. Why can't they be like Virginia Beach and having f'ing signs that tell you where the f you are?" b/c then a little 10 year old boy will say to you "not listen in on your conversation, but look up. There's the sign. You're on 7th street." Smart ass kid.
10. If the bartender gives you a free shot that tastes like Dimetapp, don't drink that ish, b/c its only going to hurt you later on in the evening.
11. When someone says "I really think I'm going to throw up", ignore them. They don't really mean that - they just need pizza, bread sticks, and some H2O.
12. Making friends with everyone in the bar is okay and even a lot of fun. However those friendships ends when you hit the front door of that bar/club, there will be no further communication and its just best that way.
13. When asking someone if they "party" and they respond that they love parties, just drop it.
14. White Snake is the best band ever.
15. Henna Tattoos are rad b/c they are only slightly permanent yet allow you to be just trashy enough for one weekend.
16. Piercing your nose is not an option, and your luck it will get infected, so stop asking about it.