I am the CEO of Myself

Coal Miner and I went snowboarding this weekend in Canaan. We drove through a snowstorm to get there at 2:00am. That was super fabulous and we drove through some seriously creepy WV towns, which always makes me giddy. We slept in a double-bed together, we spent all days on the slopes, it was snowing, it was lovely. We spent time with his parents, one-on-one, we ate, we drank, we laughed, we seriously enjoyed each others' company. But during the long weekend I had some serious conversations internally, as well as with Coal Miner and his family. And now the background on the serious discussions. On Friday morning my blackberry started ringing, at 7:50am. It continued throughout the day. Mind you, I didn't answer the phone, and I only read 50 emails, at 9am, and then didn't pick it up again. I had an out of office on, and I also sent an email out prior to my departure on Thursday evening that I would not be in the office on Friday. I provided individuals to contact in case of emergency and let everyone know I would be back on Monday.

Before I left on Thursday my director said to me, and I quote "You can't leave! What are we supposed to do? Do you think everything will be okay? I can't believe I accepted your vacation request!!" Those exclamation points are not an exaggeration. I laughed, b/c that's funny right? The sad thing is, she was serious. The voice mail from Friday morning said, and I quote "I saw that you were out of office. But I'm going to need you to call me asap and handle my questions I've posed in the email I sent you." The next one, from later in the morning said "I saw you were out of office, but I thought you could give me a call and we could discuss the communication plan in more detail before close of business today." There are more emails/phone calls stating the same type of "urgent, urgent, stop what you are doing" message.

After I read my 50 emails I was in a terrible mood. As usual, the content of those emails caused my blood to boil. Coal Miner noticed my mood. He was frustrated with both me and with the fact that the paycheck place can't seem to operate efficiently unless I'm involved. I was almost afraid he was going to storm out if I answered the phone or I looked at my phone one more time that morning.

At dinner I told Coal Miner's dad about the incident. He sat perplexed and pondered my situation. He's such a knowledgeable and accomplished man whom I respect and look to for guidance on my career. He told me that as President of his company he expects people to call him and for him to be accountable. But for me, he doesn't quite get it. I don't either. I'm not the CEO, hell I'm not even a Director. Its a great problem to have, I know that and perhaps I shouldn't complain. I know everyone is probably sick of reading these posts, and sick of hearing about my job and all of the annoyance that is part of my daily life. So you'll be happy to read my next sentence. I made a decision that if everything works out the way I'm hoping, I'm cutting myself lose from the paycheck place.

Its not going to get any better. There is never a good time to leave your job. I'm always going to be giving up some form of compensation no matter when I leave. So why not seize the opportunity in front of you. Find a new niche. Get in a new company. Find your inner piece. I decided since I wasn't the CEO of the Paycheck Place and couldn't solve any of their problems, I would be the CEO of Me. And with that new distinction I'm making my first big decision...I'm leaving.