Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Judy with the Big Booty

Top Seven Reasons You Should NEVER Enter the Corporate World:

7. No one ever looks like those stock photos (such as the one to the left). Their hair is usually a hot mess, their clothes are three+ seasons old, and their shoes are just horrid. Most of the time they just suck at life and won't even say "Hi" in the elevator. Once you get into the thousands (of employees) its absolutely impossible to have all sane, competent, and socially accepted individuals.

6. If you are strictly interested in doing your job, forget it. You are expected to do a lot more than your job like say for instance other people's jobs as well. B/c lets be real most people are skating by and its working for everyone except you.

5. Do you like going on vacation or taking days off? Well then corporate America ain't for you my friend. If you're lucky you'll get about 3 weeks off a year. And if you're even luckier, your job will actually let you take those three weeks without making you feel like a total asshole for doing so.

4. One word, politics. If you thought this only existed in American government you are highly mistaken my friend. Corporate America's politics are BRU-TAL. The Good Ole Boys only let a few people in a year. Good luck with that if you have a vag.

3. The IT helpdesk is less than helpful. Same story every place you go "Our IT department is the worst!" Most of the "IT" people know nothing about actual networking or PC configurations, they are more focused on gate keeping. They make sure you don't visit any sites you aren't supposed to, change your password every 6 weeks, and god for bid you access personal email on company time (THIS SITE IS BLOCKED!!!). What do you mean your Outlook is auto-archiving? What do you mean you keep getting a blue screen? That's not their problem, I'm sure you could Google it and find the answer quicker than they could, so give it a whirl.

2. Reactive instead of proactive is the name of the game. Look forward? Plan for the future? Be ahead of the curve. Where do you think you're working, Google??? Get a hold of yourself!


1. Cube farms are really torture chambers. I'd love to meet that guy who introduced corporate America to the cube farm and kick him in his chode. I mean where else could you be 10 inches from the person you despise most in the world? You can hear their every move (including farting), conversations (especially on speakerphone), and I'm fairly certain you'll know all about their cat "Mister Furrybutt" by the end of your first day.

Yes I did only do seven reasons, and yes I am aware that's pathetic, and yes I know that its a little unorthodox, and yes I know that I'm not funny today. I'm having a hard time coming back from vacay. Do you have three more that are better or apply across the board? Yea, send 'em my way, would love to take a looksie.

1 comment:

Tiffany said...

great read!!! cant wait to read more!! :)