Long time, no posts!

I don't know why I haven't written in so long. I think it may be due to the fact that I've been keeping a journal. So much has happened in the past four months that its hard to know where to begin. The man front is stale...no new men...no reconciling with the ex either. I'm feeling as if I'm getting in a better place about the whole thing though. I'm starting to realize that I don't have to make excuses for him anymore and in turn, his excuses are lame. I've decided to limit the communication b/c I'm the only one who communicates and as well all know, you can't make someone love you or want to be with you. So I decided while on my family vacation this week that I would begin to back away, embrace being single, and get a new mindset. This is his loss, money is his first love, and I don't fit into the picture. This isn't sparkling new news, its just that I've finally cleared the clouds from my head and realized I need to move on. Not necessarily dating, but at least recognizing that there are many many men out there and many who will love me unconditionally. They will love my family, they will want to meet my friends, and I will always be a priority. Its pretty simple actually. I must give some kudos to Jane Green's latest book "The Beach House" which allowed me to fully embrace this new mindset. She pretty much described the ex to a T and I couldn't escape the reality of the situation.

Next topic, buying a place. I've started looking again, but I don't think I'm ready. I think I need to really sort out my personal life before I start taking on a mortgage. AND I need to figure out if I'm going to continue living here. I like this place, but its just not me. I need to get myself overseas or somewhere with a clean slate. So, I figure I should wait it out a while and figure out what I want. Oh, I've started writing that infamous book. Sigh, its going okay, not as fast as I expected. I actually think my life is somewhat dull, but hey, its a start right?

Okay, I'll start writing on here again. This is extremely therapeutic and I forgot how wonderful it is!!

Baby Lemasney has arrived

She's here! Carrigan Grace Lemasney has arrived. Yet another chick to add to the McDaniel Clan! :) I'm super excited and can't wait to get my hands on her. She came out pretty big, 8lbs 4oz so I don't know if my sister realizes this, but its a blessing in disguise she didn't have to push her out! lol Counting down the days until I head to FL for a little visit with my new beautiful niece! :)

My new love...

No, its not a person silly, its Pole Dancing. First and foremost I must send a shout out to my Homey for introducing me to Goddess Fitness in Bethesda. I have to admit that my little recent incident has jump started this love, but really I'm loving it. So Homey bought a pole last weekend and I'm so jealous. I want a pole! Now I'm going to have to go to her house to practice all the time. Better than paying $15 each time we want to practice at the studio. I've become so into it that I am spending sooo much of my time on YouTube checking out all of amazingly talented women showcase their skills.

Okay I realize you are thinking of strippers, in a skanky bar, spreading their panunu hanging out all over the place. Yea, it isn't really like that. Its an art. I swear to you, this takes so much power and talent. You are essentially holding your own weight the entire time. Contorting yourself with the utmost flexibility. Say what you will, this is an amazing sport. It makes you feel so confident, it makes you feel capable, it makes you feel alive. And for the first time in a few weeks I forgot about everything while I was doing it. I realized that nothing exists while I'm twirling around that pole. Its like this realm that just captures you and pulls you in. Spinning and twirling and floating in the air.

The bad part comes with the bruises and the pole burn and the soreness of your muscles. The fumbling with the shoes, the teetering on the heels, the fear of breaking your ankle. But even after that, its still ecstasy spinning around that pole. It is, my new love.

And she's off...

Okay so as everyone knows the past two weeks have been my own personal hell. I spent the first week sobbing uncontrollably, retracing my steps, rehashing my conversations and wondering what the hail I did. The second week (which we are currently experiencing) has had a different mindset completely. On Monday I tried to initiate contact with no response. So I decided that was it. No more Megan trying, let someone else try for a while. See how great it is when I'm not around. Okay so that brings us to Wednesday, and one of my LadyFriends saying "We should go to Spain!" for me to realize, YES I SHOULD GO TO SPAIN. Why not? I don't have a dog, a plant, or anything that will die while I'm gone, so why not? I have no responsibilities other than my job, so why not? So, I did it, I booked the ticket today and off to Spain I will go in May. Now comes the not so jovial part, it took everything in my body not to write an email telling the good news. The first person I wanted to tell isn't currently acknowledging my prescence...sigh...it was a sad moment amongst my joy. Maybe in time I can talk about my fantastic trip coming up. Maybe in time...

España, aquí vengo!

Ah the truth...

Last night I was watching the "Moment of Truth" show on Fox. Its actually a pretty disturbing show. Not because people are trying not to lie in order to win money, but because people are so deep in their lies and so unable to be truthful with those they love that they have to go on national television and use the excuse of trying to win money as their way to spill the truth. I wonder sometimes if all of our lives are nothing but a series of lies with the truth spilling out every now and then. So I decided today that I was going to talk about the truth and whether or not its always necessary to give the most honest answer.

I know sometimes people don't think that individuals should be spared of their feelings. I know I used to feel this way. Spill it all out and let them feel the pain of the truth, its the only way to find resolution. But today, and perhaps this is because of my current emotional status, I don't necessarily know that this is the right way to do things. Was it absolutely necessary for the lady on "Moment of Truth" last night to admit before a studio audience, her husband and family, and the entire United Sates of America that she would dump him for her ex-boyfriend, she has slept with other men, and sometimes she takes her ring off to appear single when she is out with her friends? Perhaps it was, but maybe she could have spared some of the details. Spared him the embarrassment, spared her family the embarrassment, spared his heart which was clearly braking in front of everyone. I think we get so wrapped up in our own lives sometimes that we forget who we are hurting. In order to make ourselves feel better we hurt those around us. I guess its makes us feel powerful. Or maybe its just easier, I'm not sure.

This weekend I went out and ran into on my of my acquaintances (who is married) clearly spending the evening with an individual who was not their spouse. Of course, its not my place to say anything to their spouse about this run-in, but it makes me wonder. Whose responsibility is it? I know they've had some issues in the past with infidelity but I was under the impression this had passed and the relationship was on the mend. Clearly I was wrong. The truth would only hurt the person so I'll just continue to hide my sympathy for this person with a smile. But it made me wonder, are we all susceptible to this? Does this happen more than I realize? Are we just a nation of lying infidels?

This weekend was particularly hard for me. I ran into someone cheating on their spouse, I had another individual say to me "I wish I wouldn't have brought [insert name]. Do you know how much [insert bad word about female genitalia] is here?" and then a lady told the person I was with that she wanted to show him her tits and have sex with him. This then turned into a huge argument which ended badly and we are still not speaking because of it. Infidelity at its finest...all based on lies....which will all become even bigger lies in the future...which will all lead to someone sitting in chair on "Moment of Truth" on Fox Mondays. I don't want to be in that chair nor do I want to be on the receiving end of that chair.