The Funniest Things I've Heard/Said in the Past 4 Days1. "I wanted to lick his tattoos but I thought that might be inappropriate on a first date." - Me
2. "Wiggers should NOT be f*cked with! Especially in their natural habitat. But I thought they were extinct. I need a pic." - Joyce
3. "Tell him I do this with my toddler. I put the bus toy in the closet so Carrigan will forget she has it. Then I dust it off after a few months and give it back to her to play with. You will not be the dusty bus toy in the closet. He is a toddler." - My sister
4. "I'm Maryland retarded." - Me
5. "I'd totally go camping if I could come back, take a nice hot shower, sleep in a bed, be all comfy and clean." - My sister "So what you are telling me is that you want me to find the nearest Ritz Carlton for you go to hiking?" - My brother-in-law "Yes." - My sister
6. "I'm not a peanut Mommy, I'm a turkey" - My niece
7. "He's married." - Joyce (this wasn't actually funny at the time, but it is now)
8. "You know its bad when a 65-year old woman has better thighs than you....more beer please" - Lauren
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