Monday, December 14, 2009

Yea Well I Hate You, So I'm Pretty Sure We are Even....

Went to Coal Miner's Office Christmas Party this weekend and it was pretty eventful. Let's just say that it started by every female there staring me down and the first words ever uttered to me were "yea I'm the other woman." Ohh okay. So yea, it started out great. Then I turned to find two other women staring at me and talking about me and laughing. And let's be honest, I'm not paranoid so when someone points at you and laughs in your face, its safe to say they were talking about you. I also let that go. Whatevs, I'm the new chick, its expected to be hated right? Well what wasn't expected was the 100 million glaring eyes and evil looks shot in my direction. Maybe 100 million is a little bit of an exaggeration but I'd say it was at least 50 and now I'm not exaggerating. I was on the Top 10 Most Hated persons of the evening. Now, if you know me, you know that I'm a pretty fun chick. I like to drink, I make jokes, I love dirty jokes, and can dance with the best of them. I also love fashion, makeup, and shoes so I may have looked like a model that night, just saying (well I mean at least I was 5'9 with my heels and looked super skinny from running 5 miles in the morning and refraining from eating dinner). At any rate, as the night progressed folks seemed to take a liking to me. It was either my striking good looks and humor or the fact that I bought them all a round of drinks. I befriended a gey couple and I seriously heart them. I want to hang out with them as much as possible and introduce them to my other geys.

So once everyone started to loosen up (aka get crunked) the night started to get very interesting. We ended up at a go-go bar (for those of you who don't live in DC, go-go is a type of music not a titty bar) in Tysons. Which is just ridiculous b/c if you've ever been to Tysons its purely a Caucasian place. At any rate, we stuck out like a sore thumb and I loved it. I covet go-go music and can't wait to do the shuffle anytime I can, so I was all over it. The others though were feeling a bit uncomfortable but I could have cared less at that point. I was like 6 glasses of Pinot Noir deep and I was loving everything. You know its a good night when you end up in your bed at 3am eating a 7 Layer Mexican Dip and your boyfriend burning grilled cheeses and laughing about it. Oh and I fell asleep with a water bottle in my hand and spilled water all over Coal Miner's part of the bed. Thanks be to God in my sleep I knew which way to turn that bottle over. Poor guy felt like he was sleeping in pee all night...don't worry it was just water (I SWEAR). I've included two short stories below. One that encompasses the best part of my evening and one that encompasses the worst, just for your reading enjoyment.

Best Part of Evening
Girl Eating a Wing: Gurl, you want a wang?
Me: Nah, I'm good. Thank you though.
Girl Eating a Wing: What's wrong gurl? You don't eat wangs?
Me: No, I totally do, I just don't want one right now.
Girl Eating a Wing: Well if you want one, you just let me know okay?
Me: Okay, thanks again.
Girl Eating a Wing: Mmmm hmmmm. *talking to friend* I don't know why dat betch is in hur anyway. Can't she tell she the only dayum white person in here? *laughter ensues*
....I let that all go. Next episode.

Girl Now No Longer Eating Wings: Wait, wait, urrrybody make room for the princess white girl coming through, she got some drinks for hur friends.
Me: Thank you so much, I do NOT want to drop these.
Girl Now No Longer Eating Wings: Oh yea gurl, we coo now.
...I let that all go (specifically the princess white girl thing). Next episode.

Girl Now Grilling Me at Every Chance She Gets: Princess, you and yo frunds gonna dance or not?
Me: I'll dance with you.
Girl Now Grilling Me at Every Chance She Gets: Princess I don't wanna hurtcha.
Me: Beleee me, you can't hurt this gurl.
Girl Now Grilling Me at Every Chance She Gets: Princess you betta watch it.
Me: What's your name again? I didn't catch it.
Girl Now Grilling Me at Every Chance She Gets: That's cause I never told you. And I don't plan to neither.
Me: I like where your heads at and ps your shoes are awesome.
Girl Now Smiling from Ear to Ear: Okay Princess we coo, you a cool white chick I'll give it to ya.
Me: Thank you! You wanna dance.
Girl Now Smiling from Ear to Ear: Yea girl, lets go get our shuffle on. You know how to do this right?
Me: Gurl puhhlease, I made this dance up, no lie!
Girl Now Smiling from Ear to Ear: Shut up and do the shuffle *laughing*
and so we did. We shuffled together, and we became club friends. And that was the best part of my evening.

Worst Part of Evening
Let me set the scene for you - dark bar, a whole group of us shoved in the back at the wait station, me grabbing a glass of wine, my back to the group. *tap tap on my shoulder, I twirl around*
Group of 5 of CM's Coworkers: Hey there
Me: Oh hey, did you guys need a drink?
Group: Nah, nope, no I'm good *in unison*
Me: Oh okay *me trying to move out of the way, and the semicircle gets tighter*
Group: We just wanted to talk to you for a second
Me: Okay
Group Member #1: So we think its important you know that CM is a really good guy.
Group Member #2: Like a really really good.
Group Member #3: Like maybe tooo good of a guy.
Me: Yea I know, he's a great guy
Group Member #4: You get that right?
Me: Yea, I do
Group Member #1: We just want to make sure that you understand that he is a great, nice, wonderful guy.
Group Member #5: And it seems like you understand, but we want to make sure you really understand.
Group Member #2: B/c he talks about you like all of the time. I mean he really likes you.
Group Member #3: Like really likes you.
Me: Yea I really like him too. He's a great guy, we've got a good thing going.
Group Member #1: Let's keep it that way. Just don't do anything to hurt him. He's been through enough.
Group Member #4: I think she gets it, it seems like she does. Doesn't it ladies?
Group Member #1, #2, #3, & #5: Yea, I guess so, Sure, Seems like it, She's nice you guys *in unison*
Group Member #1: Oh and if I don't like you, its kind of a deal breaker. I hope he told you that.
The Whole Group: Later.
So basically these ladies were telling me that I'm not good enough for him and they don't even know me. Which is fine. I guess you get to hate on the new girl. I just know I would never make anyone feel the way that they did on Saturday night. It was a difficult evening, but I think I handled the situation really well. Maybe I'm naive but I think they all ended up really liking me in the end. Or maybe they are just waiting to pounce....we shall see, we shall see.


Amber D. said...

I. Love. Your. Commentary!

I totally pictured the whole guuurl thing going down.

You and I could be twins. Not physically bc you're skinny and all, but personality/attitude/partying twins.

Candice said...

Man, it sounds like they were a tough crowd, eh?

Sounds like you handled yourself with class though. Kudos to you!

Stephen K said...

But hey, at least you changed their minds? Don't let it get to you. Because then they win :)

MDubs said...

Amber - shut your face, you are skinny and I do believe we may me sistas from another mista.

Candice - They definitely were, but I tried to keep it classy (meanwhile cursing those chicks via text message in the bathroom to Coal Miner). You know, gotta keep that ish on the DL.

Stephen - You are exactly right! I felt much better once I blogged about it. Got it off the chest and now I'm like "WHATEVS HATERS!" :)