Wrote a song bout, like to hear, here it go

Everyone keeps telling me "Its not you Megan. Its just...its just...them." I'm really starting to think that I'm right, it is me. I know self-loathing is just so Kurt Cobain, but honestly, I think it might actually be good ole moi. Some days I could give a sh*t less and some days it really bothers me. I think the closer my birthday gets each year I start to flip the F out. I don't know why my birthday creeps me out so much. I honestly could care less about getting older. I actually welcome my 30s. At least I won't have people continually say "but you are soooo young" or "you're just a baaaby" [ps I just heard "Maybe the Dingo ate your baby" when I wrote that..in my head of course]. So really, it must be me. What am I doing wrong? Does my personality suck? Am I too forward? I mean I'm a go get 'em type gal. I guess that could be a turnoff for some huh? Well crap, what am I supposed to do? I need constructive feedback people. Tell me the truth, you know I can handle it [and throw that sh*t right back in your face later, lol, kidding].

Have you heard those annoying Jerry's Subs commercials on the radio? I swear to the heavens above they are like nails on a chalkboard for me. I can't handle them. Stupid Sarah Palin and Bill Clinton and Obama impersonations. I can't change the channel fast enough when they start airing. Perhaps I should look into that satellite radio after all. Or maybe I should just stop being so lazy and grab my ipod before I head out in the morning. Seriously though, sh*t isn't funny so please get a new steeze Jerry's, thanks.

So I received this job offer last week (or maybe it was the week before, my God all of my weeks are running together). So we go through this whole process of negotiating back and forth and what not and I finally accept their offer and then they rescind my offer b/c of my start date...which was 5 days after the date they wanted. Seriously? No, seriously? I finally thought I had a chance of escaping Hades Haven, but I was incorrect. Being that Lucifer himself is in charge I don't know how I thought that to be possible.

I'm contemplating driving home this weekend, but its SUCH A DRAG. A few hours in a car by yourself is nice. You relax, you sing, you talk to yourself, its just silent...and that's nice, no buzz of fluorescent lights, no tapping of keyboards, and no constant freeway noise b/c well you ARE the freeway noise. But 7 hours in a car by yourself, in traffic none the less, is like sitting through a Yani concert. I mean you literally want to just get out and walk. Plus the drive back to DC you are just waiting for that moment when the little traffic line turns from green, to yellow, to the dreaded red on your GPS. I have such a love/hate relationship with the 757. I love the beach and I miss my family and friends, but it just isn't a quick trip during the summer months and it seems to rain/be cloudy on the weekends I'm there to bronze the crap out of my body. What gives 757, huh?

I'm dumping my thoughts, is that obvious or what? Work was totally manageable this week, that was NIIICCEEE. I haven't had a manageable week in months. I left at like 5 yesterday and I thought I actually started looking behind me to see if anyone was watching. Oh then I had the chance to go running in the pouring rain and it was fantabulous. I was muddy and drenched, ahhh it was wonderful.

I need a new hobby, any ideas? I was thinking sky diving or rock climbing or ANYTHING. I'm so fugging bored. I need something to do and I'm sick of spending money on food and drinks, that's only making me fat [or at least have a complex that I'm fat]. And don't you dare say scrap booking. I'm not from Wisconsin, nor am I overweight, married, or friend-less. I just need something to do in my spare time besides running. I could get a dog, but that's a lot of work. LIKE A LOT. Maybe a cat? Litter box, where would I put it? I need suggestions, HEEELLLPPPP.

Aint Wanna Play No Games Betch

Technically I'm supposed to be developing a training deck for this call center we are managing now, however I need to vent b/c its just eating away at my insides, like that worm does at the bottom of the tequila bottle (except I won't vomit so many times I lose count b/c of this). So I'm too old to play games, wouldn't you agree. I like you, you like me, end of story. Why you gotta waste 2 months of my life playing games for me to finally be like "yea I can't stand you." Let's just get that sh*t out of the way in the first place. Honestly it only takes me like 4 times hanging out with you to figure out that we just aren't a match. Don't get me wrong, I love dating, its fun, and I have met a ton of cool peeps, even become friends with some of them (seriously, I know its weird, but I've met some good drinking buddies with hot friends, how can I go wrong there?), but suuuriusly, lets get this show on the road. LOL

I know, I'm the most impatient person I know and I'm not kidding about that by any means. Why do I rush everything? What's my dealio? I blame my mother and my father, they are two seriously impatient people. For instance, my father refuses to sit at lights that have a sign "No Turn on RED at ANY TIME". He actually says out loud "That doesn't apply to me" and runs the dayum thing. He's had so many accidents we lost count like two years ago. When we used to do homework, he would say "You still don't have the answer? I've been sitting here for over 5 minutes and I've known the answer the whole time." Yea, that's b/c you are 40 Dad and I'm in 8th grade for lawrd's sake. My Mother, haaaalarious. She will drive around and around and around the parking spot looking for a parking spot close to the front and get agitated when I mention the fact that we could have already walked into the store if she would have just parked a little further out. She blames all the people for wasting her time looking for a parking spot. THis one time we were in line at Forever21 the day after Thanksgiving and she said "Do you think its possible you could get someone else behind the counter? We've been standing in line for at least 3 - 4 minutes." That. Was. Funny.

At any rate, maybe I'm just being to impatient, maybe I gave it up too soon, maybe I'm not as cool as I think I am, maybe I expect too much too soon, maybe I'm just bored and want someone to hang out with, maybe I want someone to kiss goodnight on a regular basis, maybe I'm sick of looking, maybe I'm just being a girl...oh GOD I'M BEING A GIRL...that is so disappointing. I pride myself on being dude like...okay Mission Be Like a Guy back in effect. Thanks be to God for this blog to get my a$$ back in check.

Werd....One.

Did you hear? Michael Jackson died...

The Funniest Things I've Heard/Said in the Past 4 Days

1. "I wanted to lick his tattoos but I thought that might be inappropriate on a first date." - Me
2. "Wiggers should NOT be f*cked with! Especially in their natural habitat. But I thought they were extinct. I need a pic." - Joyce
3. "Tell him I do this with my toddler. I put the bus toy in the closet so Carrigan will forget she has it. Then I dust it off after a few months and give it back to her to play with. You will not be the dusty bus toy in the closet. He is a toddler." - My sister
4. "I'm Maryland retarded." - Me
5. "I'd totally go camping if I could come back, take a nice hot shower, sleep in a bed, be all comfy and clean." - My sister "So what you are telling me is that you want me to find the nearest Ritz Carlton for you go to hiking?" - My brother-in-law "Yes." - My sister
6. "I'm not a peanut Mommy, I'm a turkey" - My niece
7. "He's married." - Joyce (this wasn't actually funny at the time, but it is now)
8. "You know its bad when a 65-year old woman has better thighs than you....more beer please" - Lauren

What I Learned at Work Lately

So I thought maybe I would just throw out some of the tid bits of advice I've been offered over the past few months by various individuals throughout my company. I laugh on a daily basis at work b/c I swear the lawrd above you cannot make this ish up. They definitely get material for the show "The Office" straight from my lovely corporate job.

1. Don't give anyone the benefit of the doubt - "I used to believe in this principle until I was thrown under the bus so many times I can no longer count it on both my hands and toes. Don't give anyone the benefit of the doubt, they'll just *beep* you later on." - My Very Pissed Colleague
   
2. Don't state the facts - "I know you are a blunt person and you are very fact-based, but sometimes the facts need to be smoothed over...you know what I mean? A little sugar-coating never hurt anyone. And I know you are about to say that's lying, but its not...its just....smoothing over the not so great parts." - My Director
   
3. Dance the dance - "See people here like to dance the dance. And well, you just aren't dancing. If you want to be a VP you are going to have to dance the dance. So put on your most comfortable shoes girl and get started!" - My Former Vice President
   
4. Meet about Meetings - "I get that you think its ridiculous to meet about a meeting, but we need to prepare for the meeting where we plan to discuss the upcoming meeting. I just don't think its smart for us to go to this meeting without any meetings under our belt." - Unnamed Director
   
5. Never say you don't know the answer - "Even if you don't know the answer, never ever say that you don't actually know the answer. See if you can spin it so that you can answer their question with a question. Or just skirt around the actual question. Works every time. No one can know that you don't actually know the answer." - Someone I accused of not knowing the answer
   
6. Email at midnight for respect - "Yea sometimes I'll log in right before I go to bed and send an email, just so people think that I was working super late into the night. No, I'm serious it really works people think I'm like killing myself over here. Also, I just like to check my email before I go to bed, there's something so soothing about it." - A former colleague who was "laid-off"
   
7. Know just enough to get ahead- "Well the real secret is to delegate all of the work you have and then have a download session with the individual completing the work. That way you are informed about what's taking place and when, plus you seem to be an authority on the subject but can defer to someone else if you don't know all of the nitty gritty details. That also means that you are "people managing"." -A People Manager
   
8. Promotions = time endured, NOT performance - "She has been here for like 20 years. I mean I think she definitely deserves to be promoted. If you've been here that long what else are they supposed to do? Sure she doesn't know a thing about Marketing, but I mean 20 years...seriously 20 years, she deserves it working at this place for 20 years." - I don't even remember but its ridiculous none the less
   
9. Your Job Title is irrelevant- "Your title doesn't necessarily reflect what you do. Please note that titles and job descriptions are "best fits"."- My HR Rep
   
10. Meet the quota - "Do you guys have anyone who is female or of non-Caucasian descent? We really need to select some minorities to meet the quota we have to fill." -The Procurement Team