Friday, July 23, 2010

Whoever Smelt It Dealt It

For those of you who don't know I've started taking Hot Yoga again. Its quite possibly the most relaxing and wonderful workout I've found, to date. Running is my church, Hot Yoga is my sanctuary. So anyway, you know, Yoga makes you go into all of these poses and you do all of this breathing, and you hollow out your stomach and then things happen.

You find you are breathing like a fat person, but that's how you should be breathing. You find that you are sweating like a whore in church, but that's how you should be sweating. You find that you are pushing your pelvis down, and hollowing out your stomach at the same time, and you are farting, but that's how you should be farting. WHAT? What just happened. Yep, that's right I farted in Yoga last night (not just once mind you). First time ever.

It wasn't loud, it was a creeper. But it happened the first time and I was like whatevs, I had a SBD (silent but deadly, get with the program) maybe, no one will know where it came from right? If they did, and it smelt (b/c I didn't smell anything except the sweat dripping into my nostrils), no one even batted an eyelash at me. Then it happened again, this time longer and more drawn out. And OH SHIT here comes the lady to make sure I'm hollowing out and pushing down my pelvis, and not using my wrists...wait for it...wait for it...she leans over to pull my pelvis back and I fart on her. YEP! It was just a creeper. And quite honestly they weren't smelling, I know b/c I can smell my own farts. I was just "passing gas" through my system. But I was hella embarrassed at the thought of farting on her chest as she attempted to help me through my pose, but I mean bish that comes with the territory. She has to know that's going to happen so I don't want to hear a word out of her. That's what she gets for leaning over my back and pushing her chest into me, and pulling my pelvis out. I mean really what did she expect was going to happen? I was going to sigh in contentment? No bish, imma fart. DEAL WITH IT.

So anyway, I approached her after the class to apologize for farting on her chest when she was just trying to help me out. I said very sheepishly "I'm really sorry I think I might have passed gas while you were helping me out." To which she replied very sweetly "Really? Didn't even notice! And if you did, its completely normal and natural. Don't you worry yourself a minute. You had some fantastic poses this really might be a natural." THANK YOU GOD! THANK YOU GANESHA! Whoever...just thank you for letting me fart on this woman's boobs and have her not even notice. I owe you big guy, I owe you!


Naomi said...

I've only been to hot yoga once and I can totally understand. I, myself, do it a lot while running. How can you not during a full marathon and eating all that Gu?

Candice said...

I can't believe you fessed up to blowing ass on her tits.

I would have hauled ass and never have gone back!

MDubs said...

Naomi - I also do it A LOT while running. But most of the time I'm in the great outdoors, so no one notices. :)

Candice - Ain't no shame in my game. :)