Bathroom Etiquette

I've written about this before but apparently some folks didn't get the memo. When at work there are several rules you must follow in order to maintain proper bathroom etiquette. I will list these out for you so that you don't find yourself in a stinky situation.

1. Please keep at least one stall between each person using the restroom. Reasoning behind this, the stalls here at work have a nice reflective sheen. I've coined this as "butts on the wall" b/c I can not even begin to tell you how many women's a$$es I've seen in the past three years, reflecting on the walls in our bathroom stalls. This could have been avoided if they just would have left that one stall in between us. If you find yourself in the situation where there isn't any extra room, well then just wait a few minutes. I'm sure in less than 60 seconds one will open up.
   
2. There is no lolly-gagging in the bathroom. This is not a place to talk about a meeting or discuss your weekend plans or even catch up. This is the bathroom. This is a place where people go to go number 1 and number 2. The last thing I want/need is for you to discuss the 2:00 meeting when I'm trying to rid myself of any toxins in my body. And p.s., I really don't care if you hear a little something slip out in the middle of your discussion, serves you right. When you have completed your business promptly wash your hands and leave the bathroom. Its just the right thing to do.
   
3. Do not talk on your cell phone while using the bathroom or while in the bathroom. Do I really even need to explain this? What is wrong with you people? This is not the comfort of your own home. This is a 6-stall public restroom at work. Does the person on the other end need to hear me tinkle? Personally if you talk on the phone with me, while in a public restroom and I even begin to think I hear tinkling, I'm hanging up on you. Why would you want to put someone through that? Plus, what if the person next to you has a stomachache? My gawd you are an evil person, hang up the phone! Nothing is that important that it can't wait until after you use the bathroom. And if it is, then you better hold it until you finish your conversation.
   
4. If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat. Enough said.
   
5. Do not comment on the smell of the bathroom. News Flash: Its a bathroom! Did you expect it to smell like roses? Most likely its going to smell like, well, a restroom. So if someone is in there that isn't having the greatest day or is trying to take care of business, don't make them feel any worse. Just go to another floor, or better yet, come back later. And if it really is too much to handle, buy some potpourri spray and knock yourself out! Just do me (and everyone else) a favor and keep your comments to yourself.
   
6. Do not sing in the bathroom. Its just strange and very uncomfortable. Plus it echos, so really, just stop.
   
7. Please don't speak to me while I'm going to the bathroom. Yes, that is me, since you apparently saw my shoes under the door. And no, I don't want to talk to you. I'm PEEING FOR GOD'S SAKE! Can't I just go to the bathroom in peace? Really, I'm just not into this, it kinda grosses me out, so please don't let it happen again.
   
8. If your brush your teeth, rinse our the sink. I'm all about oral hygiene, but there's nothing like a little toothpaste spit in the sink to make you go "Gross!" Seriously, if you brush your teeth at work, is it that hard to just do a little rinse of the sink? Just spit, and rinse, and then swish the water around the sink a little. Viola! All fixed!

Well, that's all I can think of now...I'm sure I'll have more after yet another trip to the bathroom in a few minutes. I swear I drink too much water b/c otherwise I wouldn't have to go half as much as I do!