Wednesday, September 16, 2009

You Can Just Call Me Skinny Bitch

I don't know what my deal is, but for the past week but my hunger patterns have really begun to concern me. Used to be that I would wake up every morning and have an English muffin with peanut butter and strawberries, but lately the thought of food at 6:30am makes me want to spit chunks into the face of a child. So then like 10:30am will come around and I could eat an entire small calf. I'm freaking starving, but I have a taste for nothing. So I let this go on until about noon-thirty-ish and at that point I'm no longer hungry but I figure I should eat. So I barely touch my salad (I eat a salad almost every day for lunch) and I fight back the urge to throw it in the trash. Then around 2:00pm I want french fries, or chocolate, or eggs, like hard boiled eggs (don't ask, lately I've been eating like 2 hard boiled eggs a day...I really have no clue why). So then I go home and I'm still not hungry so I'll decide I'm going to work out and of course the minute I finish stretching for my run, my stomach is eating my back fat and cursing me in 14 different languages b/c its so f'ing hungry. So I go for the run, come back, the hunger is gone. The thought of food sends chills all over my body and upchucking everything I've eaten for the day seems like the best idea I've come up with in weeks. By 10pm, I want to eat an entire bag of Swedish Fish coupled with 7-11 nachos. So you may ask yourself "Is Megan pregnant?" And to that I reply "SHUT YOUR FACE!", of course I'm not, I just think I have a tape worm or something (but aren't those supposed to make you want to eat more?!?!). Oh man what if I have some like weird virus and it makes me lose tons of weight? Once I find out if that's the case I'll take requests to lick your face and transfer it to you at your earliest convenience. In all seriousness though, if this leads to weight loss I will be kind of excited (not that I really need to lose any weight, but a size 2 seems surprisingly within my reach) but also mystified by the entire process. WTF is wrong with me? Usually I'm ALWAYS HUNGRY. Not to mention I almost always want a glass of wine or a beer, especially before noon. Even that doesn't sound delightful in the least bit. Jezus P Christ, someone figure out whats going on so I can go back to being Fatty McFatterson please!

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