Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Dreaming Tree

For those of you who don't know, I'm what you would call an "Advanced Dreamer". I can control my dreams (the majority of the time), dream in color / black and white, dream in different languages (and fully comprehend what is happening without even knowing the language), view my dreams from outside of the dream (aka out of body), have multiple dreams throughout the evening (and still remember them in the morning) and last but not least I keep a dream journal to remind me of my completely insane dreaming habits. But lately, I don't know what to make of my dreams. For about two years now one individual has had this presence in my dreams and I just can't seem to move beyond their continual interaction with me. And I'm not exaggerating when I say at least once or twice a week for the past two years it has been this way. I even took the initiative to ask this person, during my dream, why they were always "popping" up. They simply responded "because you want me here..." and then smiled. I refuted saying that I did not want them there and again the response of "you want me here" and then disappearing for the remainder of the dream.

But what bothers me most is the feeling I have when the person is there. Whether it be their face or not, I know its them. I'm so beyond happy. Its a feeling that right now is bringing me to tears because I don't know if I'm that happy right now. I don't know if I can be that happy again without them being a part of my life. Its hard to wake up from one of these dreams and make sense of what's going on around me. How can someone be so absent in my waking life yet so real and involved in my dreaming life. There are times in my waking life when I forget that I haven't spoken to this person in years. They are just so real to me, so right, so wonderful. Yet I know, looking back on my life, that it wasn't that wonderful when they were real and involved, I wasn't that happy in the end, I didn't love them as much as I do in my dream, or maybe I did...

I've taken the time to research why this endless cycle of specific presence takes place. Apparently I miss some (or all) piece of this relationship and I'm not currently experiencing this in my existing relationship. Meaning, my mind is seeking this and trying to tell me subconsciously that I should seek this out in my waking life to stir these feelings that occur in my dream state and make them a reality. What would be really helpful is if someone were to tell me exactly which pieces / behaviors / feelings I'm subconsciously searching. I mean I'm loved, I'm having fun, I'm have good friends, I have a good job, am I missing something? Apparently I am....guess I'll just have to keep searching subconsciously until in my awake state I have that "AHA!" moment. Until then my friend, until then.

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