Victory!

For six years now, yes you read that correctly SIX, I have been visiting the doctor every three months b/c well my body has a mind of its own. Most people would have responded to the various procedures but not me, I mean come on..that's tooooo easy for me! So today I went to my 3-month check-up and got the best news in a long time. I got on the scale and I had lost 7lbs since the last time I was there!! The nurse gave me a high five, ain't that some sheit?!?! Okay so that wasn't the really good news, but it did make me really happy. And while we are the subject I went to Lerner this weekend (shut up, I like their chinos and their tanks) and I went down a pants size. SWEET VICTORY! :) I will continue on my journey to my perfect size, please stay tuned. Okay now for the really good news. So my doctor comes in, comments on how good I look (I had to throw that in) and then we do our thang and she says. Oh by the way, when you come in for your appointment in February that's going to be your annual and then if all goes well today you won't have to come back for a year. I asked her to repeat herself b/c I could have sworn she said I wasn't going to have to come back to her office for a year. So she repeated the entire sentence again and my imagination hasn't gotten the best of me I really don't have to go back for a year if all goes well today. SWEET VICTORY SCORE 2!!! Oh yes, maybe this weight loss and abstinence thing (not by choice, his parents are in town) is really working for me. I mean no coffee, no soda, no candy (though I did eat like sheit today, but then I went to the gym and worked my a$$ off for it), and the truth lies in the pants size doesn't it?!?! :) I'm so excited I can't even begin to explain it. Losing weight + No doctor's for a year = Happy Girl. AND to top my evening off, I went over to the house and hung with the parents and mommy dearest and I are actually friendly...this day, this day is ROCKIN. I'm almost sad to go to sleep b/c then this amazing day will be over...sigh...maybe I'll stay up for just a bit longer and try my hand at that crossword I can't seem to solve. VICTORY!!

I Just Don't Belong

Yesterday I attended two baby showers. Both for long time friends, happily married, one planned, one not so planned but still welcomed. The first shower was a bit uncomfortable as I haven't seen the mother-to-be in a while. But it wasn't b/c of her. She and I can see each other once a year and it feels like it was yesterday. It was more the people in attendance. There were a group of ladies sitting with her and I didn't know a one of them. To be honest I only knew her childhood best friend, her sister, and her mother. Now keep in mind there were about 50+ people there. So anyway these ladies were all about my age, but didn't even say hi to me when I introduced myself. I thought maybe she had said something about me, but then I realized it wasn't me, it was what I represented. I was single, young, skinny, and the words marriage and children never escaped my mouth. I think they may have resented me, or, well...I don't know. So off from that shower to another shower I went.

When I arrived at the second shower again I didn't know anyone but the mother-to-be (she moved about a year ago), her sister, and her mother. But the mom-to-be is my lovie and after 10 seconds it felt like I just saw her last week. It was a little uncomfortable at first, but then I met another young lady like myself who didn't really know anyone. So we started chatting and she said something that rang very true with me. We were just talking about the shower and our plans and she says "I'm just not prepared for this, are you?" I chuckled b/c of course I'm not, and I told her that this is about the third time I've had this conversation at a baby shower. So she continues to say "So, is it strange for you?" And I think I said something I've been thinking but never really said out loud. I told her "Its hard because you look around and you realize you just aren't in this stage in your life, you may not be for a while, and you truly just don't belong. But I've been trying really hard to stay good friends and understand their new lives. I'm just not sure they understand my life just isn't the same as theirs. Its really easy to see why people grow apart as the years go on. But please do not feel like you are taking too long or you are missing out, b/c you aren't. We are both just fine, its just that we are on a little bit of a different plan than they are. Take your time, there's no rush!" She smiled, said "Yea, you are right! There is no rush and I don't need to be married or have a child to feel complete!" I smiled, and said "Exactly" then we continue to play "Baby Shower Bingo" and smiled at each other when everyone ooo'ed and ahhh'ed at the gifts that were given because we had no idea why you would be so excited about them.

Master Cleanse Days 4, 5 & 6

Sorry folks I forgot to tell you about my other days of the cleanse!!

Day 4
Experience at my girlfriend's last night was fine. She totally understood and actually commended me on my willpower. She made this amazing homemade bruschetta and it took everything in me not to grab a piece of fresh mozzarella, the bread, and pile on the tomatoes and fresh basil from her garden. But I did it! I made it the whole night.I had a terrible time sleeping last night. I could hear everything happening in my stomach. I woke up countless number of times and it was just horrid. Then I decided to do the SWF this morning...BAD IDEA!! Made me so ill. I threw it all up, it was horrible, just horrible. I don't know what it was but I had it at night and I was totally fine. So I don't think I'll be doing that in the morning again!! My sister is coming in tonight, I hope she doesn't think I'm completely over the top for doing this, and I won't be able to eat dinner with her, but hey its something I'm trying right? :) Been good today. Feeling okay, pain in the lower back is still there, but apparently everyone mentions this so its probably just something to do with the kidneys and such.

Day 5
Okay I slept much much better last night, but I'm ready to end this thing. Its not even that I'm hungry, b/c I'm totally not and I really do feel more energized than I ever have!! I don't know what it is, I just feel like I should stop, like it isn't good for my body to not be eating. Honestly, I think I'm just bored, lol. I'm sick of drinking the lemonade and I just don't want to drink it anymore. I would just rather eat/drink nothing instead. But I know that isn't good. *sigh* What to do, what to do...

Day 6
I've decided this is my last day. I'm really proud of myself though b/c now i know what to expect the next time I do it. I'm definitely going to do it again. And I'm definitely going to try it for 10 days. I know its going to be hard but I know that I can get through 5 days, so I can definitely push through 5 more right? Maybe I'll shoot for 7. I don't know I just feel bad about stopping, but really good about trying this out and doing so well. Did my last SWF and man o' man I am NOT going to miss that. Its so weird (and gross) what is coming out!! So yea, dunzo. I'll let you know how not eating solids goes, lol. I'm supposed to not jump back into solids or apparently I will "regret it" and I definitely do not want to "regret it" b/c I can only imagine what that means!

Bathroom Etiquette

I've written about this before but apparently some folks didn't get the memo. When at work there are several rules you must follow in order to maintain proper bathroom etiquette. I will list these out for you so that you don't find yourself in a stinky situation.

1. Please keep at least one stall between each person using the restroom. Reasoning behind this, the stalls here at work have a nice reflective sheen. I've coined this as "butts on the wall" b/c I can not even begin to tell you how many women's a$$es I've seen in the past three years, reflecting on the walls in our bathroom stalls. This could have been avoided if they just would have left that one stall in between us. If you find yourself in the situation where there isn't any extra room, well then just wait a few minutes. I'm sure in less than 60 seconds one will open up.
   
2. There is no lolly-gagging in the bathroom. This is not a place to talk about a meeting or discuss your weekend plans or even catch up. This is the bathroom. This is a place where people go to go number 1 and number 2. The last thing I want/need is for you to discuss the 2:00 meeting when I'm trying to rid myself of any toxins in my body. And p.s., I really don't care if you hear a little something slip out in the middle of your discussion, serves you right. When you have completed your business promptly wash your hands and leave the bathroom. Its just the right thing to do.
   
3. Do not talk on your cell phone while using the bathroom or while in the bathroom. Do I really even need to explain this? What is wrong with you people? This is not the comfort of your own home. This is a 6-stall public restroom at work. Does the person on the other end need to hear me tinkle? Personally if you talk on the phone with me, while in a public restroom and I even begin to think I hear tinkling, I'm hanging up on you. Why would you want to put someone through that? Plus, what if the person next to you has a stomachache? My gawd you are an evil person, hang up the phone! Nothing is that important that it can't wait until after you use the bathroom. And if it is, then you better hold it until you finish your conversation.
   
4. If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat. Enough said.
   
5. Do not comment on the smell of the bathroom. News Flash: Its a bathroom! Did you expect it to smell like roses? Most likely its going to smell like, well, a restroom. So if someone is in there that isn't having the greatest day or is trying to take care of business, don't make them feel any worse. Just go to another floor, or better yet, come back later. And if it really is too much to handle, buy some potpourri spray and knock yourself out! Just do me (and everyone else) a favor and keep your comments to yourself.
   
6. Do not sing in the bathroom. Its just strange and very uncomfortable. Plus it echos, so really, just stop.
   
7. Please don't speak to me while I'm going to the bathroom. Yes, that is me, since you apparently saw my shoes under the door. And no, I don't want to talk to you. I'm PEEING FOR GOD'S SAKE! Can't I just go to the bathroom in peace? Really, I'm just not into this, it kinda grosses me out, so please don't let it happen again.
   
8. If your brush your teeth, rinse our the sink. I'm all about oral hygiene, but there's nothing like a little toothpaste spit in the sink to make you go "Gross!" Seriously, if you brush your teeth at work, is it that hard to just do a little rinse of the sink? Just spit, and rinse, and then swish the water around the sink a little. Viola! All fixed!

Well, that's all I can think of now...I'm sure I'll have more after yet another trip to the bathroom in a few minutes. I swear I drink too much water b/c otherwise I wouldn't have to go half as much as I do!

Master Cleanse Day 2 & 3

Day 2: I had a weak moment, I almost had some carrot juice. I went to Trader Joe's to pick up some more lemons and maple syrup (and the right grade of organic this time) and I was just standing in the aisle with the smoothie drinks, wanting one sooo badly. So I said to myself "Self, what could a little pure carrot juice hurt?" So I picked it up, put in the basket, checked out, got into my car, opened it up, and...I couldn't do it. I just couldn't do it. I actually felt good about myself. I'm honestly pretty amazed at my willpower thus far. However, I am chewing gum. I don't care what anyone says, I need a break from water products. I'm chewing gum while I workout (yes I have a TON of energy and can't exactly explain why) and it makes me feel better. I don't feel like that nasty feeling on my tongue while I'm working out, so yes, I am chewing gum. SWF last night was pretty bad. I mean I drank it and 20 minutes later I could barely stand up.

Day 3: I am having some pains today in my lower back and lower stomach. I can't decide if its from hunger,or from working out, or if its my kidneys completely shutting down, lol. Actually that isn't a laughing matter. I have some serious issues with my kidneys and this detox is supposed to help. Good lawrd I hope its doing more help that damage. I haven't stepped on the scale again, b/c well, its only day 3 and I can't imagine I've lost very much. I mean I look exactly the same and I usually notice if I'm losing anything and seriously, can't say that I am. I'm a little worried b/c I'm supposed to go hang out with my girlfriend who is in town visiting her parents tonight and I just don't want to be confronted with food or wine b/c I'm afraid I'll give in to both. OR if I have really great willpower I'll be able to be confronted and have NEITHER!! Pray for me. I'm scared to do the SWF tonight....I just don't know if I can handle that again. Sigh. I'm also worried b/c my sister is coming tomorrow night and she wants to go to dinner. But I know I can't eat food and I think if I tried I would vomit. Honestly the thought of eating at a restaurant makes me want to vomit right now. Anyhooo, I'll write more tomorrow!!

Master Cleanse Day 1

Okay so I decided to try this Master Cleanse thing. Its not really because I want to lose weight, though that won't hurt the matter, its really because I've been reading some great things about it. It can help clear up your skin, help you curb your appetite after you complete the cleanse, give you more energy, detoxify, just to name a few. So I thought: "Hey let's give it a shot".

So the first drink I was dreading. I just knew it was going to taste like hail. So WonderMo sat with me at work while I fixed the first drink and also took the first sip with me. Much to my surprise, it was actually tasty! The maple syrup gives it a little bit of a natural cocoa taste and the cayenne pepper gives it a little kick. However, the first go round I found that I probably should have put the water in before I put the ice in (I'm having them cold) because the last bit of the drink made me sweat!! It was so hot it was like fire in my mouth! So word to the wise, mix first, then add water.

Im on my fifth glass today, only five more to go. I'm going to fix a pitcher of it because I'm finding the single cocktail creation seems to take a lot longer than necessary and is quite messy. So I figure this will make it a bit easier. I'm not going to lie, I've been hungry a few times today, but honestly it isn't as bad as I thought. I'm sure by tomorrow afternoon or tomorrow morning I'm going to want to eat my arm, but for now...I'm really okay.

I'm headed to the gym and wondering if I'm going to pass out while I'm on the elliptical, lol :) Anyhoo, I'm going to keep chronicling and see what this little cleanse brings!

I'm sorry I thought this was my life?!?!

When you think back a few years, did you assume your life would end up as it is currently laid out? I know I definitely didn't think that I would be so confused about who I'm supposed to make happy with my decisions. All along I thought I was the one who was the main focus of my "happiness", but to my surprise I'm apparently supposed to make everyone else happy as well. See, when it all comes down to it, its not really about whether or not you are happy, its the perception other people have about you and your happiness. We all know where this is stemming from, my relationship of course. To be honest, I'm pretty happy right now. I finally got a little glimpse of commitment for the coming future (not that he ever wasn't fully commited to me, just that I want to know this is for the long-haul), I'm finally getting recognized at work for my dedication and hard work, I'm making headway with his family and I feel like things are really starting to get into place.

Ah yes, you knew the start of a new paragraph was coming didn't you? Apparently I'm so caught up in this situation that I'm not really thinking clearly. Because I'm not thinking clearly individuals are starting to question my ability to make sane decisions. Apparently the best idea would be for me to move 500 miles away, leaving my really good job with a fantastic company, my extremely loving boyfriend, and the network of individuals I've grown to call my friends (as you know I've had some problems establishing a good network of friends here). Apparently my mind is very clouded and unable to decipher between fiction and reality. See, my life is fiction. I live in a world where things are going well, but in reality they are not. Where my relationship makes me happy, when in reality it makes everyone around me miserable. Where my family is my circle of trust, but really I'm pushing them away. Where I attempt to be understanding of a cultural difference and supportive of baby steps, but really I'm just a push over. Where I am not rushing into anything b/c I've seen what that can do to a marriage and a family, when really I'm making excuses. Where I belive what I'm told, when really I'm just being fed lies. Isn't it enlightening when someone lets you in on all of these little secrets? All of this time I've been in the dark and I didn't even have the slightest idea.

So thank you, thank you for shedding some light on my relationship and my life, it truly is wonderful. But I wonder, isn't it strange that you think you know so much about me and what I want and my life here, when you've only come here once or twice. Doesn't that seem a little forward of you to assume such things? I mean I can only speak from experience, but when someone says they aren't ready...they aren't ready. Perhaps before when they said they thought they were it was b/c they were told that this was the right thing, and the way to go, the way it was supposed to happen and I was just settling...I don't know, seems like maybe everyone should take a step back and ask themselves "Am I really worried about Megan's happiness or am I more worried about what would make me and the family happy?" "Am I really looking out for her best interest or am I pushing my thoughts of happiness onto her, even though she may not share the same views?" "Am I really trying to be part of Megan's life or am I viewing this from 10,000 feet without even attempting to get a little closer?" Seems to me if we don't start to see eye-to-eye on this, it could mean then end of an era, don't you?